Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I Had concentrate on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am much more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this particular post. Backpage Escorts in Evanston, Alberta. The following list is my best effort at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with some of my own observations predicated on a bit of research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you are a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland region, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Pictures. This was a huge criticism among the guys I interviewed. They are looking at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photos, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we are on the topic of pet photographs, I got a personal request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all pictures of your cats. This is so important. I can not stress it enough. Single, middle-aged women already have to cope with way too many negative stereotypes, and the cat photos (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your own bed) only function to augment them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating occasionally made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America notifying me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photos. I really like Instagram pictures because many of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photographs on my online dating profile? No I don't. Backpage escorts nearby Evanston Alberta Canada. Why? Because my eyes aren't really that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram pictures would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., deceptive) photos. Truth in advertising women, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you almost certainly adore them), but I do believe it is significant that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is the fact that far too many women out there in the internet dating world are using the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to men as well, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Evansburg Alberta. The thing is, there really isn't anything wrong with having an around average (or curvy) body thus let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and recognize once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you desire an excellent guy who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, after which you post photographs of yourself next to your bed (or on your own bed, or in your bed, or in someone else's bed). And if you aren't posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photographs with way too much cleavage. Evanston Backpage Escorts. Now, that is absolutely excellent - I have no problem at all with this, and I'm certain many men don't have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women post said super-sexy glamor shots and then whine to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and just need them for sex. And while we are on the topic of complaint-filled profiles...
Quit Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several men noticed how many women's online dating profiles are contained chiefly of criticisms about men - either their profiles, or their behaviour in general. I agree with the men on this one. There isn't any point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes use a blog for that). So while I am sure there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own choices. We can keep our positive expectations while at exactly the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something is not quite correct. Much too frequently some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking as well as a desire to be fine and not appear rude, so we discount the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and continue without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great dismay that she simply couldn't trust the guys she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about one of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless wealth and his links to powerful individuals all around the globe. She slept with him on the second date (after he assured to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Complaining about how she could just no longer trust men she met online was a bit like whining about how she could merely no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all my middle aged online dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, lusty, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and all derivatives of "my friends/mom/ex-husband/children tell me that..I am a glass-half-full optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just perhaps, we can find some common ground and get back to the business of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of internet dating. Evanston Alberta backpage escorts. I have detected after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the answer I get on has dropped to nearly nothing. It is as though going from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some kind of death-knell for a dating life. I begin contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look in the age-range that those guys want, (generally 35-50) I regularly move past them, understanding I can not compete with women in their desired range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years old than me! In other words, knowingly sends me matches that are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I've emailed a number of these guys, I don't hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I am within their desired range, I still don't get much of a response. Backpage escorts closest to Evanston Canada. I presume the reason behind this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year old version of me? If their first wife was their age, like a college sweetheart or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture supports this. It is frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It is the built in folly of on-line sites: you are simply defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to reassure me that I was a grab. And I still thing I should be - am tall, clean-cut, look young for 48, run my own successful company, understand just how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I'm quite active so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women that have written back and no actual dates. I picked women in my own date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Evarts Alberta. Simply to check I wrote to quite old women and not as attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped virtually every woman. Attempted all kinds of pictures. Nothing. while I speak to my female friends they say they're inundated. The sole dates I have had, 2, were from old friends who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and infrequently return my calls. At Meetups women appear interested but they do not answer. Simply do not comprehend this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I 'm unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring forever alienated good friends. Really out to sea on all of this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I am an older guy and most women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger guys. But of course they're. It's only that all the younger men approaching senior women are mainly, looking for what they consider to be the fastest method to get easy sex. They simply reveal interest in men their own age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that is the reason why I am not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more alternatives regarding dating. Evanston Alberta Backpage Escorts. But there are ways around this. First, a girl has to expressly say what she offers a man (that he wants) in the context of dating and relationships. I have read a large number of female profiles (35-55 years old) and practically not one of them really state what they offer a guy. Usually, itis a listing of demands and choices. This isn't good advertising. A lady must be able to answer the question What do I provide a guy that he needs?" If she doesn't know, (or is offended by the question) she is not prepared for dating.
Debby, you're speaking rot as far as I'm concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I've had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they do not even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects aren't great with a much younger girl. But in my experience a great deal of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and handsome lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to consider it's about a cynical cash grab, I have to inform you we old guys, like some old women bring the opposite sex. Sadly, many don't bring the opposite sex. nature is cruel.
I have the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a man can collect much about a woman from reading her profile, and women in many cases are so inundated with answers from poor matches they become exasperated and begin to establish bounds; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and indicates perhaps an assumption that she is the more desirable one in the deal. Perhaps women are accustomed to being pursued. A more considerate mature woman will comprehend that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Clearly men can often act the same way, just wanting sex. I consider the more profound truth is the fact that many folks simply blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their badly comprehended desires, knowing neither themselves or what they want from a relationship.
The amusing thing is both me and my present bf JUST dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've stated numerous times on this site, I also was only capable to date younger (my normal preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Evanston, Alberta backpage escorts. Backpage Escorts near me Evanston. Shaved off quite several years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (slim, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til recently (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I endeavor youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear edge. I suppose I'm one of the fortunate ones, but I think it is a combo of my style, a form of God luminescence"/spiritualityand looks. Men have ever been brought to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and occasionally a difficulty frankly.
I've decided if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I'm really in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Dating after, say, 58 or 59 ISN'T worth the effort imo. Perhaps 'cause finally you are stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Evanston, Alberta Backpage Escorts. I really don't know....Am acceptable with my solitude now. Crave it actually (bf and I have a long distance relationship but only 72 miles). We're only apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to live together sooner or later later on. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variation circa 1965. Evanston Alberta backpage escorts.
There is plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over a couple of years past; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is absolutely mild and benign. I have read far more hateful invective on this site, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a regular affirmation) guys in my age group. The authors of this kettle of hater-aide? Just the young thirty and forty something women fed up with the advances of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the large part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who seems to think his generation invented concepts like introspection, self awareness, and personal growth, together with pretty much everything else (see his self-serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer guys" below). Backpage escorts nearby Evanston. Note how he follows up with this small gem, The age and photograph driven nature of online dating makes it more difficult for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Of course, the unspoken assertion is that Boomer men have no such problem, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will actually date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile perspective) by most of exactly the same women, who now feel entitled to guys from 15 years younger to no more than 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in virtually any woman younger than himself, and he is immediately labeled a creep, a pervert and also a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can not resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!