Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I'd concentrate on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this particular post. Cheap prostitutes near me Earl Grey Saskatchewan. This list is my best attempt at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with a few of my own observations predicated on a little research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you're a girl between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Pictures. This was a huge complaint among the men I interviewed. They are looking at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photographs, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the topic of pet photographs, I have a private request of all you single, middle aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all pictures of your cats. This is really significant. I can not stress it enough. Single, middle-aged women already need to deal with far too many negative stereotypes, and also the cat photographs (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your own bed) just function to augment them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating occasionally made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America notifying me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photographs. I love Instagram pictures because many of the filters make my eyes appear strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photos on my online dating profile? No I do not. Cheap prostitutes near me Earl Grey Saskatchewan Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram pictures would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) pictures. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you probably love them), but I do believe it is important that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is the fact that way too many women out there in the internet dating world are employing the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to guys also, of course). Cheap Prostitutes Near Me Dysart Saskatchewan. The thing is, there really is not anything wrong with having an about typical (or curvy) body so let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and comprehend once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (appropriate, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you desire a quality guy who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, then you post pictures of yourself next to your bed (or on your bed, or in your bed, or in someone else's bed). And if you aren't posting photographs of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you're posting pictures with far too much cleavage. Earl Grey cheap prostitutes. Now, that is absolutely wonderful - I have no trouble at all with this, and I'm certain many men don't have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women place said super-sexy glamor pictures and then complain to their buddies, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and just need them for sex. And while we're on the topic of complaint-filled profiles...
Quit Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several men noted how many women's online dating profiles are comprised primarily of complaints about men - either their profiles, or their behaviour in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There is absolutely no point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes use a blog for that). So while I'm certain there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can maintain our favorable expectations while at the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite correct. Far too often some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and also a desire to be nice and not seem rude, so we discount the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a girl who expressed great dismay that she just couldn't trust the guys she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about one of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless abundance and his connections to powerful people all around the globe. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he assured to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Complaining about how she could merely no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could just no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all my middleaged online dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sexy, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my friends/mother/ex/children tell me that..I'm a glass-half-total optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just maybe, we can find some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of internet dating. Earl Grey Saskatchewan Cheap Prostitutes. I've seen after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to virtually nothing. It's as though going from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some kind of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches that the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those guys desire, (usually 35-50) I frequently go past them, understanding I can not compete with women in their desired range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years old than me! To put it differently, knowingly sends me matches that are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I've e-mailed a number of these men, I never hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I'm within their desirable range, I still do not get much of a response. Cheap prostitutes near me Earl Grey, Canada. I presume the reason for this is they can get younger women to react to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year old version of me? If their first wife was their age, like a school love or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture supports this. It's frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It is the built in folly of online sites: you're just defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to assure me that I was a grab. And I still thing I should be - am tall, trim, seem youthful for 48, run my own successful firm, understand the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic area (Alaska). As a result I'm very active so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women who've written back and no real dates. I picked women in my date range and attractiveness range. Cheap Prostitutes Near Me East Anglia Saskatchewan. Simply to check I wrote to fairly elderly women and not as attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped nearly every girl. Tried all kinds of graphics. Nothing. while I talk to my female friends they say they are inundated. The sole dates I have had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and infrequently return my calls. At Meetups women look interested however they don't answer. Just don't understand this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I am reluctant to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring permanently alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I'm an old man and most women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger men. But of course they are. It's merely that all the younger guys approaching senior women are mainly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest method to get easy sex. They only reveal interest in guys their own age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the men begin to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that is the reason why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more alternatives regarding dating. Earl Grey Saskatchewan cheap prostitutes. But there are certain ways around this. First, a girl has to specifically state what she offers a guy (that he wants) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read a large number of female profiles (35-55 years old) and practically not one of them actually state what they offer a man. Usually, itis a record of demands and choices. This really isn't good advertising. A female must have the ability to answer the question What do I provide a man he needs?" If she does not know, (or is offended by the question) she is not ready for dating.
Debby, you're speaking rot as far as I am concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I've had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they do not even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects aren't great with a considerably younger girl. But in my experience a lot of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and handsome lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to believe it's all about a cynical money grab, I must inform you we older men, like some older women bring the opposite sex. Sadly, a lot of people don't attract the opposite sex. nature is cruel.
I have exactly the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a man can gather much about a woman from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with replies from inferior matches they become exasperated and start to set boundaries; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and indicates perhaps an assumption that she is the more desirable one in the deal. Perhaps women are accustomed to being pursued. A more thoughtful mature girl will realize that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Clearly men can often act the same manner, only wanting sex. I consider the deeper truth is the fact that most people simply blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their ill comprehended desires, knowing neither themselves or what they want from a connection.
The funny thing is both me and my current bf JUST dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've stated numerous times on this blog, I also was only competent to date younger (my usual preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Earl Grey, Saskatchewan Cheap Prostitutes. Cheap Prostitutes near me Earl Grey. Shaved off quite a couple of years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (thin, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til recently (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I job youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear edge. I guess I am one of the lucky ones, but I believe it is a combo of my personality, a form of God glow"/spiritualityand looks. Men have ever been attracted to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and sometimes a difficulty honestly.
I have decided if my bf and I break up (God PROHIBIT as I am really in love with him) I will not return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the attempt imo. Maybe 'cause finally you are stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Earl Grey Saskatchewan cheap prostitutes. I actually don't know....Am ok with my solitude now. Crave it really (bf and I have a long distance relationship but only 72 miles). We are only apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to live together at some point later on. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variant circa 1965. Earl Grey Saskatchewan cheap prostitutes.
There is plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over a couple of years past; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is completely light and benign. I've read far more hateful invective on this particular blog, couched in rhetoric calculated to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a regular affirmation) guys in my age group. The authors of the pot of hater-aide? Just the young thirty and forty-something women fed up with the progress of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the most part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who seems to believe his generation invented theories like introspection, self awareness, and personal growth, along with pretty much everything else (see his self-serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer men" below). Cheap prostitutes nearest Earl Grey. Note how he follows up with this small jewel, The age and photograph driven nature of online dating makes it more difficult for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Needless to say, the unspoken assertion is the fact that Boomer guys have no such problem, and when they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of the same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a guy express interest in any woman younger than himself, and he's immediately labeled a creep, a pervert and also a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!