Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I assured everyone that this week I'd concentrate on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am far more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this post. Backpage Escorts nearby Elbourne, Saskatchewan. This list is my best effort at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with a few of my own observations based on a bit of research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you are a girl between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Photos. This was a tremendous criticism among the guys I interviewed. They're looking at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photographs, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we are on the subject of pet photos, I have a private request of all you single, middle aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photos of your cats. This is so important. I can not emphasize it enough. Single, middle aged women already need to handle much too many negative stereotypes, along with the cat photographs (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats in your bed) only serve to strengthen them. I once composed a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America advising me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so really, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photographs. I really like Instagram photos because many of the filters make my eyes appear strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photos on my online dating profile? No I don't. Backpage escorts nearby Elbourne Saskatchewan Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photos would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., deceptive) photographs. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in advertising.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you most likely adore them), but I do think it's important that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is the fact that far too many women out there in the internet dating world are using the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to men also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Edzell Saskatchewan. The thing is, there really isn't anything wrong with having an about typical (or curvy) body so let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and understand once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you want an excellent man who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship with you, then you post photographs of yourself next to your bed (or on your own bed, or in your bed, or in another person 's bed). And if you aren't posting photographs of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photos with far too much cleavage. Elbourne Backpage Escorts. Now, that's absolutely excellent - I have no difficulty at all with this, and I am certain many men don't have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women place said super-hot glamour photos and then whine to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and just want them for sex. And while we are on the subject of complaint-filled profiles...
Discontinue Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several guys noted how many women's online dating profiles are contained primarily of grievances about men - either their profiles, or their behavior in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There isn't any point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes utilize a blog for that). So while I'm certain there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and behaving badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can maintain our favorable expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite correct. Much too frequently some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and also a desire to be nice and not appear rude, so we ignore the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a girl who expressed great dismay that she just could not trust the men she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about one of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless wealth and his connections to powerful people all around the globe. She slept with him on the second date (after he promised to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Complaining about how she could merely no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like whining about how she could merely no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all of my middleaged internet dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sensuous, drama-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I hate talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my friends/mom/ex/kids tell me that..I'm a glass-half-total optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just maybe, we can locate some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of online dating. Elbourne Saskatchewan backpage escorts. I have noticed after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to virtually nothing. It is as though moving from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some sort of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those guys want, (generally 35-50) I frequently go past them, understanding I can not compete with women in their desired range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years old than me! To put it differently, intentionally sends me matches which are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I have e-mailed a few of those guys, I don't hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I'm within their desired range, I still do not get much of a response. Backpage Escorts closest to Elbourne, Canada. I presume the reason for this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year old version of me? If their first wife was their age, such as, for instance, a college love or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It's frustrating, as well as depressing and more than a little humiliating. It is the built in folly of on-line sites: you're merely defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to assure me that I was a grab. And I still thing I should be - am tall, clean-cut, look young for 48, run my own successful business, know how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic area (Alaska). As a result I'm really active so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women who've written back and no real dates. I decided women in my own date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Elbow Saskatchewan. Simply to check I wrote to quite older women and less appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped virtually every woman. Tried all sorts of pictures. Nothing. When I talk to my female friends they say they are inundated. The sole dates I've had, 2, were from old friends who both told me they had been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and seldom return my calls. At Meetups women appear interested however they do not respond. Simply don't understand this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I 'm reluctant to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring forever alienated good buddies. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I'm an older man and many women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger guys. But of course they're. It's merely that all the younger guys approaching older women are mainly, looking for what they consider to be the fastest method to get easy sex. They just show interest in guys their very own age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that's the reason why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more options regarding dating. Elbourne Saskatchewan Backpage Escorts. However there are certain ways around this. First, a girl has to specifically say what she offers a guy (that he desires) in the context of dating and relationships. I have read thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and nearly none of them really say what they provide a guy. Typically, itis a listing of demands and preferences. This isn't great advertising. A woman should be able to answer the question What do I offer a man he desires?" If she does not understand, (or is offended by the question) she's not ready for dating.
Debby, you are talking rot as far as I am concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Certainly the long term prospects are not great with a considerably younger woman. But in my experience a great deal of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and handsome lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to consider it is all about a cynical money grab, I have to tell you we old men, like some mature women bring the opposite sex. Sadly, many do not entice the opposite sex. nature is cruel.
I 've the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Surely a man can gather much about a girl from reading her profile, and women in many cases are so inundated with responses from inferior matches that they become exasperated and start to set boundaries; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and suggests maybe an assumption that she's the more desirable one in the deal. Perhaps women are accustomed to being pursued. A more thoughtful mature woman will understand that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Clearly guys can frequently act exactly the same style, only wanting sex. I believe the deeper truth is the fact that most folks merely blunder unconsciously into relationships, compelled by their ill comprehended desires, knowing neither themselves or what they want from a connection.
The amusing thing is both me and my present bf JUST dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've stated numerous times on this blog, I also was just competent to date younger (my normal taste except for my present same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Elbourne Saskatchewan Backpage Escorts. Backpage Escorts near Elbourne. Shaved off quite a couple of years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (lean, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til recently (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I job youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear edge. I imagine I'm one of the blessed ones, but I think it's a combo of my personality, a sort of God glow"/spiritualityand seems. Men have always been brought to me in person. Big time. Sometimes it was flattering and occasionally a problem frankly.
I've determined if my bf and I break up (God PROHIBIT as I'm quite in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the effort imo. Perhaps 'cause finally you are stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Elbourne Saskatchewan backpage escorts. I really don't know....Am alright with my isolation now. Crave it actually (bf and I have a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We're just apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to dwell together sooner or later later on. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand version circa 1965. Elbourne, Saskatchewan Backpage Escorts.
There is plenty more here, as I discovered when I first came here over a couple of years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of guys (baby boomers) here, that one is absolutely light and benign. I have read far more hateful invective on this particular site, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a regular assertion) guys in my age group. The authors of the pot of hater-aide? Only the youthful thirty and forty-something women fed up with the advances of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the most part, occasionally egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to believe his generation invented theories like introspection, self awareness, and personal advancement, along with pretty much everything else (see his self-serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer guys" below). Backpage escorts nearest Elbourne. Notice how he follows up with this little gem, The age and photograph driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Needless to say, the unspoken declaration is the fact that Boomer guys have no such difficulty, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of precisely the same women, who now feel entitled to guys from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a guy express interest in any girl younger than himself, and he's instantly labeled a creep, a pervert and also a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!