Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I assured everyone that this week I Had concentrate on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm much more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this particular post. Backpage Escorts near Old Chelsea Quebec. The following list is my best effort at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with some of my own observations based on a little research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland region, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Manner too Many Pet Photos. This was a tremendous criticism among the men I interviewed. They are looking at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photos, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the subject of pet photographs, I 've a private request of all you single, middle aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photos of your cats. This really is so significant. I can not emphasize it enough. Single, middle aged women already need to handle way too many negative stereotypes, along with the cat photographs (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your own bed) just serve to bolster them. I once composed a blog post about how dating occasionally made me feel unwelcome , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America telling me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so really, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Pictures. I love Instagram pictures because lots of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these pictures on my internet dating profile? No I don't. Backpage Escorts nearest Old Chelsea Quebec, Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not really that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photos would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., deceptive) photos. Truth in advertising women, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you probably adore them), but I do believe it is significant that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is that far too many women out there in the online dating world are employing the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to guys also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Oka Quebec. The matter is, there really is not anything wrong with having an around typical (or curvy) body thus let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and comprehend once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (appropriate, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you want a quality man who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship with you, after which you post photos of yourself next to your bed (or on your bed, or in your bed, or in another person 's bed). And if you aren't posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photos with far too much cleavage. Old Chelsea backpage escorts. Now, that is absolutely excellent - I have no difficulty at all with this, and I'm sure many guys don't have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women place said super-hot glamour photos and then complain to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and just need them for sex. And while we are on the topic of complaint-filled profiles...
Quit Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several men noted how many women's online dating profiles are comprised mainly of criticisms about guys - either their profiles, or their behavior in general. I agree with the men on this one. There's no point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes use a website for that). So while I am sure there are guys (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can maintain our positive expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something is not quite correct. Way too often some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking as well as a desire to be nice and not appear ill-mannered, so we ignore the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a girl who expressed great depression that she just could not trust the men she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about one of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless prosperity and his links to powerful individuals all around the world. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he promised to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could only no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could just no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all my middle aged online dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, lusty, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I hate talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my friends/mom/ex-husband/kids tell me that..I'm a glass-half-complete optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just perhaps, we can find some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of internet dating. Old Chelsea Quebec backpage escorts. I've seen after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the answer I get on has dropped to virtually nothing. It is as though proceeding from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some kind of death-knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those men want, (usually 35-50) I frequently move past them, knowing I can not compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years old than me! To put it differently, intentionally sends me matches which are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I have emailed a number of those guys, I don't hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I am within their desirable range, I still do not get much of a reply. Backpage Escorts closest to Old Chelsea Canada. I suppose the reason behind this is they can get younger women to react to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year-old version of me? If their first wife was their age, like a college love or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture supports this. It is frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It is the built in folly of online websites: you're just defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to assure me that I was a catch. And I still thing I should be - am tall, clean-cut, seem young for 48, run my own successful business, know the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I'm quite busy so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women that have written back and no genuine dates. I picked women in my date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Omerville Quebec. Just to check I wrote to fairly mature women and less appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped nearly every woman. Tried all sorts of images. Nothing. while I speak to my female friends they say they are inundated. The sole dates I have had, 2, were from old friends who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and scarcely return my calls. At Meetups women seem interested but they do not respond. Simply do not realize this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I am unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring permanently alienated good friends. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I'm an elderly guy and most women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger men. But of course they're. It's just that all the younger guys approaching older women are predominantly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest method to get easy sex. They only show interest in guys their very own age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. it is insulting to me. And that is why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more choices regarding dating. Old Chelsea Quebec Backpage Escorts. But there are certain ways around this. First, a woman has to specifically state what she offers a man (that he desires) in the context of dating and relationships. I have read a large number of female profiles (35-55 years old) and nearly none of them really state what they offer a man. Typically, it is a record of demands and choices. This really is not good marketing. A woman must be able to answer the question What do I provide a guy he desires?" If she does not know, (or is offended by the question) she's not ready for dating.
Debby, you are discussing rot as far as I'm concerned. I'm 62 and let me tell you, I've had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they do not even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects aren't good with a much younger girl. But in my experience a great deal of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and handsome lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to consider it's about a cynical cash grab, I must tell you we mature men, like some mature women attract the opposite sex. Sadly, many people don't bring the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I 've exactly the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Surely a guy can collect much about a lady from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with replies from inferior matches they become exasperated and begin to set boundaries; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self absorption, and indicates maybe an assumption that she's the more desired one in the deal. Maybe women are accustomed to being pursued. A more thoughtful mature girl will understand that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Certainly men can often behave the same style, just wanting sex. I consider the deeper truth is the fact that many folks simply blunder unconsciously into relationships, compelled by their ill understood desires, understanding neither themselves or what they want from a relationship.
The funny thing is both me and my current bf JUST dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this particular blog, I also was only capable to date younger (my normal taste except for my present same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Old Chelsea Quebec Backpage Escorts. Backpage Escorts near Old Chelsea. Shaved off quite a couple of years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (skinny, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til recently (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I job youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I've had a clear advantage. I figure I am one of the fortunate ones, but I think that it's a combo of my personality, a sort of God glow"/spiritualityand seems. Men have always been brought to me in person. Big time. Sometimes it was flattering and sometimes a problem honestly.
I've decided if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I am quite in love with him) I will not return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the attempt imo. Maybe 'cause finally you are stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Old Chelsea Quebec backpage escorts. I really don't know....Am okay with my solitude now. Crave it actually (bf and I have a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We are merely apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to reside together at some point in the foreseeable future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand version circa 1965. Old Chelsea Quebec Backpage Escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I discovered when I first came here over a couple of years past; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is entirely light and benign. I have read a lot more hateful invective on this blog, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent declaration) guys in my age group. The writers of this pot of hater-aide? Just the young thirty and forty something women fed up with the improvements of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the large part, occasionally egged on by young men like Nathan, who seems to think his generation devised theories like introspection, self-awareness, and personal growth, together with pretty much everything else (see his self-serving, patronizing little discourse on old Boomer guys" below). Backpage Escorts nearby Old Chelsea. Notice how he follows up with this little gem, The age and picture driven nature of online dating makes it more challenging for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Obviously, the unspoken assertion is that Boomer guys have no such difficulty, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of the exact same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no more than 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a guy express interest in virtually any girl younger than himself, and he's immediately labeled a creep, a pervert along with a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!