Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I'd focus on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this specific post. Backpage escorts nearest Lac-Drolet, Quebec. The following list is my best effort at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with some of my own observations based on a little research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Photographs. This was a huge gripe among the guys I interviewed. They are taking a look at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photographs, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the topic of pet photographs, I 've a personal request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photographs of your cats. This is really important. I can't stress it enough. Single, middle-aged women already have to manage far too many negative stereotypes, and the cat pictures (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats in your bed) merely function to fortify them. I once composed a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America telling me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so really, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photos. I really like Instagram photographs because lots of the filters make my eyes appear strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photos on my internet dating profile? No I don't. Backpage escorts closest to Lac-Drolet Quebec, Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not really that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photographs would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) pictures. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in advertising.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you most likely adore them), but I do think it is significant that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is that way too many women out there in the online dating world are utilizing the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to guys as well, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Lac-Des-Seize-îLes Quebec. The matter is, there actually is not anything wrong with having an around average (or curvy) body so let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and comprehend once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you want an excellent guy who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, and then you post photographs of yourself next to your bed (or on your bed, or in your bed, or in another person 's bed). And if you aren't posting photos of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photos with way too much cleavage. Lac-Drolet backpage escorts. Now, that is totally great - I don't have any issue at all with this, and I'm sure many men don't have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women post said super-sexy glamor shots and then whine to their buddies, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and only want them for sex. And while we are on the topic of complaint-filled profiles...
Discontinue Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several men noted how many women's online dating profiles are comprised chiefly of grievances about men - either their profiles, or their conduct in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There is no point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes utilize a website for that). So while I'm certain there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own choices. We can keep our positive expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite appropriate. Much too frequently some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and also a desire to be pleasant and not seem impolite, so we discount the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and continue without caution. I once met a girl who expressed great sadness that she just couldn't trust the men she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about one of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless prosperity and his links to powerful individuals all around the world. She slept with him on the second date (after he assured to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Complaining about how she could merely no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like whining about how she could simply no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all my middle aged online dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sensual, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I hate talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my pals/mom/ex/children tell me that..I'm a glass-half-full optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just perhaps, we can find some common ground and get back to the company of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I 'm aging out" of internet dating. Lac-Drolet Quebec backpage escorts. I have detected after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the answer I get on has dropped to almost nothing. It's as though proceeding from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some form of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches that the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those guys want, (typically 35-50) I regularly go past them, understanding I can't compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years old than me! To put it differently, intentionally sends me matches which are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I've e-mailed a number of those guys, I never hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I'm within their desired range, I still do not get much of a response. Backpage escorts near Lac-Drolet Canada. I assume the reason for this is they can get younger women to react to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year old model of me? If their first wife was their age, such as, for instance, a school honey or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It is frustrating, as well as depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the built in folly of on-line websites: you're simply defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to assure me that I was a grab. And I still thing I should be - am tall, clean-cut, look youthful for 48, run my own successful business, know the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic area (Alaska). As a result I am very busy so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women who have written back and no real dates. I picked women in my local date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Lac-Du-Cerf Quebec. Just to check I wrote to fairly mature women and less attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped virtually every girl. Tried all types of images. Nothing. When I speak to my female friends they say they're inundated. The sole dates I've had, 2, were from old pals who both told me they had been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and rarely return my calls. At Meetups women look interested however they don't answer. Simply do not understand this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I am unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring forever alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I'm an older guy and many women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger men. But of course they're. It's merely that all the younger men approaching elderly women are mainly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest method to get easy sex. They simply reveal interest in guys their own age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that is why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more options regarding dating. Lac-Drolet, Quebec Backpage Escorts. But there are ways around this. First, a girl has to specifically state what she offers a man (that he wants) in the context of dating and relationships. I have read tens of thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and virtually none of them actually state what they provide a guy. Usually, itis a record of demands and choices. This is not good marketing. A female must be able to answer the question What do I offer a man he desires?" If she does not know, (or is offended by the question) she's not prepared for dating.
Debby, you are speaking rot as far as I'm concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Certainly the long term prospects are not great with a considerably younger woman. But in my experience a lot of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and fine lol - Sorry, but as much as youwant to consider it is about a cynical cash grab, I have to inform you we mature guys, like some old women bring the opposite sex. Unfortunately, many people don't attract the opposite sex. nature is cruel.
I have the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Certainly a man can assemble much about a woman from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with answers from inferior matches they become exasperated and start to set borders; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and suggests perhaps an assumption that she's the more desired one in the deal. Maybe women are accustomed to being pursued. A more thoughtful mature woman will comprehend that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Certainly guys can frequently behave exactly the same manner, just wanting sex. I consider the deeper truth is that many people only blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their poorly comprehended desires, understanding neither themselves or what they want from a connection.
The amusing thing is both me and my current bf JUST dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this particular blog, I also was only able to date younger (my usual preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Lac-Drolet Quebec Backpage Escorts. Backpage escorts nearby Lac-Drolet. Shaved off quite a number of years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (lean, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til recently (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I job youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear edge. I imagine I am one of the lucky ones, but I believe that it's a combo of my personality, a form of God glow"/spiritualityand looks. Men have ever been attracted to me in person. Big time. Sometimes it was flattering and occasionally a issue frankly.
I've determined if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I am very in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Dating after, say, 58 or 59 ISN'T worth the attempt imo. Maybe 'cause finally you are stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Lac-Drolet, Quebec backpage escorts. I really don't know....Am fine with my isolation now. Crave it actually (bf and I have a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We are only apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to reside together sooner or later in the future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand version circa 1965. Lac-Drolet, Quebec backpage escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I discovered when I first came here over two years past; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is absolutely mild and benign. I've read a lot more hateful invective on this particular blog, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent declaration) guys in my age group. The authors of this kettle of hater-aide? Just the youthful thirty and forty-something women fed up with the progress of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the most part, occasionally egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to think his generation devised theories like introspection, self-awareness, and personal advancement, together with pretty much everything else (see his self-serving, patronizing little discourse on old Boomer guys" below). Backpage escorts near Lac-Drolet. Note how he follows up with this little jewel, The age and photo driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to polish, regardless of what they do." Obviously, the unspoken assertion is that Boomer guys have no such difficulty, and when they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who'll really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of the same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no more than 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a guy express interest in any woman younger than himself, and he is immediately labeled a creep, a pervert and also a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can not resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!