Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I assured everyone that this week I Had concentrate on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am far more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this specific post. Backpage Escorts nearest Colliers Newfoundland And Labrador. The following list is my best attempt at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with some of my own observations based on a bit of research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you are a girl between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Manner too Many Pet Photographs. This was a tremendous criticism among the guys I interviewed. They are looking at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet pictures, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the subject of pet pictures, I have a personal request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all pictures of your cats. This really is really significant. I can't stress it enough. Single, middle aged women already need to manage way too many negative stereotypes, and the cat photographs (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your own bed) merely serve to bolster them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel unwanted , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America notifying me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so really, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photographs. I love Instagram photos because several of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photos on my internet dating profile? No I don't. Backpage escorts near me Colliers Newfoundland And Labrador Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not really that blue (or green or lavender), and I am about 10 years older than my Instagram photographs would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., deceptive) pictures. Truth in advertising women, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you almost certainly adore them), but I do believe it is important that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is that way too many women out there in the internet dating world are utilizing the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to guys as well, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Colinet Newfoundland And Labrador. The matter is, there really is not anything wrong with having an about average (or curvy) body so let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and understand once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you desire a quality guy who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, after which you post pictures of yourself next to your bed (or on your own bed, or in your bed, or in someone else's bed). And if you're not posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you're posting photographs with way too much cleavage. Colliers Backpage Escorts. Now, that's absolutely wonderful - I have no issue at all with this, and I am sure many men do not have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women place said super-sexy glamour photos and then complain to their buddies, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and just need them for sex. And while we are on the subject of complaint-filled profiles...
Cease Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several guys noted how many women's online dating profiles are contained mostly of grievances about men - either their profiles, or their behaviour in general. I agree with the men on this one. There's absolutely no point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes use a website for that). So while I am certain there are guys (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own choices. We can maintain our positive expectations while at the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite correct. Way too frequently some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and also a desire to be nice and not appear impolite, so we discount the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a girl who expressed great dismay that she just couldn't trust the men she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about any of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless abundance and his links to powerful individuals all around the globe. She slept with him on the second date (after he assured to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could only no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could just no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all of my middle-aged internet dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, lusty, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and all derivatives of "my buddies/mom/ex-husband/children tell me that..I'm a glass-half-total optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just perhaps, we can find some common ground and get back to the company of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I 'm aging out" of online dating. Colliers Newfoundland And Labrador Backpage Escorts. I've discovered after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the response I get on has dropped to nearly nothing. It is as though moving from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some sort of death knell for a dating life. I begin contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those men want, (typically 35-50) I regularly go past them, understanding I can not compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years old than me! In other words, knowingly sends me matches which are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I've e-mailed a number of those guys, I don't hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I am within their desired range, I still do not get much of a response. Backpage escorts nearest Colliers Canada. I presume the reason for this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year-old model of me? If their first wife was their age, such as, for instance, a school sweetheart or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It is frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It is the built in folly of online websites: you're simply defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to reassure me that I was a catch. And I still thing I should be - am tall, trim, seem youthful for 48, run my own successful firm, understand how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic area (Alaska). As a result I'm very active so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women who've written back and no genuine dates. I decided women in my date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Colliers Riverhead Newfoundland And Labrador. Just to check I wrote to rather old women and not as appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped virtually every woman. Attempted all kinds of pictures. Nothing. When I speak to my female friends they say they are inundated. The only dates I've had, 2, were from old friends who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and rarely return my calls. At Meetups women seem interested but they do not answer. Just do not recognize this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I 'm reluctant to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring permanently alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I'm an old guy and many women on line in my age group make out they are not interested in the younger men. But of course they're. It is only that all the younger men approaching senior women are mostly, looking for what they consider to be the fastest method to get easy sex. They simply reveal interest in men their own age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the men begin to lose interest in them. it is insulting to me. And that is the reason why I am not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more alternatives regarding dating. Colliers Newfoundland And Labrador Backpage Escorts. But there are certain ways around this. First, a girl has to expressly state what she offers a man (that he desires) in the context of dating and relationships. I have read a large number of female profiles (35-55 years old) and virtually not one of them actually state what they offer a guy. Normally, it's a record of demands and preferences. This really is not good marketing. A woman should have the ability to answer the question What do I offer a man he wants?" If she does not understand, (or is offended by the question) she's not prepared for dating.
Debby, you are discussing rot as far as I am concerned. I'm 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they do not even ask what I do for a job. Certainly the long term prospects aren't great with a much younger woman. But in my experience a whole lot of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and handsome lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to believe it is all about a cynical cash grab, I have to inform you we mature guys, like some old women bring the opposite sex. Sadly, many do not attract the opposite sex. nature is cruel.
I have the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Surely a man can collect much about a female from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with answers from inferior matches they become exasperated and begin to set borders; yet for me this language indicates an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and indicates perhaps an assumption that she is the more desirable one in the deal. Perhaps women are accustomed to being pursued. A more sensible mature woman will comprehend that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Clearly men can often behave exactly the same way, just wanting sex. I consider the deeper truth is the fact that many people simply blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their ill comprehended desires, understanding neither themselves or what they want from a relationship.
The funny thing is both me and my present bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this particular blog, I also was only able to date younger (my usual preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Colliers, Newfoundland And Labrador backpage escorts. Backpage escorts nearest Colliers. Shaved off quite a few years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (slender, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waistline til recently (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I project youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I've had a clear advantage. I suppose I am one of the fortunate ones, but I think that it's a combo of my personality, a type of God luminescence"/spiritualityand seems. Men have ever been attracted to me in person. Big time. Sometimes it was flattering and occasionally a difficulty frankly.
I have decided if my bf and I break up (God PROHIBIT as I am quite in love with him) I will not return to online dating but will give celibacy a shot. Dating after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the effort imo. Maybe 'cause finally you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Colliers, Newfoundland And Labrador backpage escorts. I really don't know....Am fine with my isolation now. Crave it really (bf and I have a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We're only apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to dwell together at some point in the future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variation circa 1965. Colliers Newfoundland And Labrador backpage escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over two years past; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is entirely light and benign. I have read far more hateful invective on this particular blog, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent declaration) guys in my age group. The writers of the pot of hater-aide? Only the youthful thirty and forty-something women fed up with the advances of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the large part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who seems to believe his generation devised theories like introspection, self-awareness, and personal growth, together with pretty much everything else (see his self-serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer guys" below). Backpage Escorts near me Colliers. Notice how he follows up with this little jewel, The age and picture driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Naturally, the unspoken assertion is the fact that Boomer guys have no such issue, and when they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who'll really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of the exact same women, who now feel entitled to guys from 15 years younger to no more than 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a guy express interest in any woman younger than himself, and he's instantly labeled a creep, a pervert and a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!