Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I Had concentrate on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this specific post. Backpage Escorts closest to Stewart, British Columbia. This list is my best attempt at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with some of my own observations based on a little research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you're a girl between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Photos. This was a huge gripe among the guys I interviewed. They are taking a look at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet pictures, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the subject of pet pictures, I 've a private request of all you single, middle aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photos of your cats. This really is really significant. I can't emphasize it enough. Single, middle aged women already need to deal with far too many negative stereotypes, and the cat photographs (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your bed) only function to strengthen them. I once composed a blog post about how dating occasionally made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America informing me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photos. I really like Instagram photographs because many of the filters make my eyes seem strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about ten years off my face. But do I post these photographs on my internet dating profile? No I do not. Backpage Escorts closest to Stewart British Columbia Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not really that blue (or green or lavender), and I am about 10 years older than my Instagram photos would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) photos. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you most likely love them), but I do think it is important that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is the fact that far too many women out there in the internet dating world are employing the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to guys also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Stewardson Inlet British Columbia. The thing is, there really is not anything wrong with having an around average (or curvy) body thus let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and comprehend once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (right, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you desire a good guy who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, after which you post photographs of yourself next to your bed (or in your bed, or in your bed, or in another person 's bed). And if you're not posting photographs of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photographs with way too much cleavage. Stewart Backpage Escorts. Now, that's certainly fine - I have no issue at all with this, and I'm sure many guys don't have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women post said super-sexy glamour photos and then complain to their buddies, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and just need them for sex. And while we're on the subject of complaint-filled profiles...
Quit Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several men noted how many women's online dating profiles are included primarily of grievances about guys - either their profiles, or their behavior in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There is absolutely no point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes use a site for that). So while I'm certain there are guys (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own picks. We can maintain our favorable expectations while at exactly the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something is not quite appropriate. Much too frequently some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking as well as a want to be pleasant and not appear rude, so we ignore the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a girl who expressed great dismay that she just could not trust the guys she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about one of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless abundance and his links to powerful people all around the world. She slept with him on the second date (after he assured to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could simply no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could merely no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I would like to ask all my middle aged internet dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sensuous, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and all derivatives of "my friends/mother/ex/children tell me that..I'm a glass-half-full optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just maybe, we can find some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I 'm aging out" of internet dating. Stewart, British Columbia backpage escorts. I have found after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to nearly nothing. It is as though proceeding from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some sort of death-knell for a dating life. I begin contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look in the age-range that those men desire, (normally 35-50) I often go past them, knowing I can not compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years old than me! To put it differently, intentionally sends me matches which are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I've e-mailed some of these men, I don't hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I am within their desired range, I still don't get much of a response. Backpage escorts near me Stewart, Canada. I presume the reason for this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year old version of me? If their first wife was their age, like a college honey or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It is frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the built in folly of on-line websites: you're simply defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to reassure me that I was a catch. And I still thing I should be - am tall, clean-cut, look youthful for 48, run my own successful firm, understand just how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I am really active so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women that have written back and no actual dates. I picked women in my date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Stikine British Columbia. Just to check I wrote to fairly mature women and less attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped almost every girl. Tried all sorts of pictures. Nothing. while I speak to my female friends they say they are inundated. The only dates I have had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they had been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and infrequently return my calls. At Meetups women seem interested but they do not answer. Just don't comprehend this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I am unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring permanently alienated good buddies. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I'm an older man and most women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger guys. But of course they are. It is only that all the younger guys approaching older women are mainly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest way to get easy sex. They just reveal interest in guys their own age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the guys begin to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that is why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more alternatives regarding dating. Stewart, British Columbia backpage escorts. However there are ways around this. First, a girl has to specifically state what she offers a man (that he wants) in the context of dating and relationships. I have read thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and virtually none of them actually say what they provide a guy. Normally, it is a list of demands and choices. This is not great marketing. A female should have the ability to answer the question What do I provide a guy that he wants?" If she doesn't understand, (or is offended by the question) she is not ready for dating.
Debby, you are discussing rot as far as I am concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I've had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Certainly the long term prospects are not great with a considerably younger woman. But in my experience a great deal of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and attractive lol - Sorry, but as much as youwant to consider it is about a cynical money grab, I must tell you we older men, like some old women attract the opposite sex. Sadly, many people don't attract the opposite sex. nature is cruel.
I have exactly the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Surely a guy can gather much about a lady from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with replies from inferior matches that they become exasperated and begin to set borders; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and indicates maybe an assumption that she's the more desirable one in the deal. Perhaps women are accustomed to being pursued. A more sensible mature girl will comprehend that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Clearly men can often behave the same style, just wanting sex. I consider the more profound truth is that many people just blunder unconsciously into relationships, compelled by their badly comprehended desires, knowing neither themselves or what they need from a relationship.
The amusing thing is both me and my present bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this particular site, I also was just able to date younger (my normal taste except for my present same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Stewart, British Columbia backpage escorts. Backpage Escorts near Stewart. Shaved off quite several years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (skinny, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til recently (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I endeavor youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear advantage. I figure I am one of the blessed ones, but I think it is a combo of my personality, a form of God glow"/spiritualityand looks. Men have always been brought to me in person. Big time. Sometimes it was flattering and sometimes a problem frankly.
I have determined if my bf and I break up (God PROHIBIT as I am really in love with him) I will not return to online dating but will give celibacy a shot. Dating after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the attempt imo. Perhaps 'cause eventually you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer guys. Stewart, British Columbia Backpage Escorts. I really don't know....Am fine with my isolation now. Crave it really (bf and I 've a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We're just apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to live together sooner or later in the foreseeable future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand version circa 1965. Stewart British Columbia backpage escorts.
There is plenty more here, as I discovered when I first came here over a couple of years past; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is entirely light and benign. I've read a lot more hateful invective on this blog, couched in rhetoric calculated to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a regular assertion) men in my age group. The writers of the pot of hater-aide? Only the youthful thirty and forty something women fed up with the advances of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the most part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who seems to believe his generation devised concepts like introspection, self-awareness, and personal growth, along with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer guys" below). Backpage Escorts near me Stewart. Notice how he follows up with this small gem, The age and picture driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Of course, the unspoken assertion is the fact that Boomer men have no such difficulty, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will actually date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of the same women, who now feel entitled to guys from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in any girl younger than himself, and he's promptly labeled a creep, a pervert along with a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!