Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I'd concentrate on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this post. Backpage Escorts nearest Fair Harbour, British Columbia. The following list is my best attempt at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with a few of my own observations predicated on a little research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you are a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland region, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Photos. This was a huge gripe among the men I interviewed. They're taking a look at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photos, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we are on the topic of pet pictures, I 've a personal request of all you single, middle aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all pictures of your cats. This is so significant. I can not emphasize it enough. Single, middle aged women already need to cope with way too many negative stereotypes, as well as the cat photographs (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats in your bed) merely function to reinforce them. I once composed a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America advising me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so really, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photos. I love Instagram pictures because several of the filters make my eyes appear strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photographs on my internet dating profile? No I do not. Backpage Escorts closest to Fair Harbour British Columbia Canada. Why? Because my eyes aren't really that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram pictures would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) pictures. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you most likely adore them), but I do think it's significant that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is that far too many women out there in the online dating world are using the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to guys also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Extension British Columbia. The thing is, there actually is not anything wrong with having an around average (or curvy) body thus let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and understand once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (appropriate, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you desire an excellent guy who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship with you, and then you post photographs of yourself next to your bed (or on your own bed, or in your bed, or in someone else's bed). And if you're not posting photos of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photos with far too much cleavage. Fair Harbour Backpage Escorts. Now, that is absolutely excellent - I don't have any trouble at all with this, and I'm sure many men do not have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women post said super-sexy glamor photos and then complain to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and only want them for sex. And while we are on the topic of criticism-filled profiles...
Discontinue Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several men noticed how many women's online dating profiles are contained mostly of complaints about men - either their profiles, or their behaviour in general. I agree with the men on this one. There is no point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes utilize a blog for that). So while I'm sure there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and behaving badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own choices. We can maintain our favorable expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something is not quite appropriate. Far too often some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and also a want to be fine and not seem rude, so we ignore the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and continue without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great sadness that she just couldn't trust the guys she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about any of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless prosperity and his links to powerful individuals all over the world. She slept with him on the second date (after he assured to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could only no longer trust men she met online was a bit like whining about how she could merely no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all my middle-aged internet dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sensual, drama-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I hate talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my friends/mom/ex-husband/children tell me that..I'm a glass-half-total optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just maybe, we can locate some common ground and get back to the business of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of online dating. Fair Harbour British Columbia backpage escorts. I have detected after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the answer I get on has dropped to nearly nothing. It is as though moving from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some form of death-knell for a dating life. I begin contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches that the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look in the age-range that those men want, (normally 35-50) I often move past them, knowing I can't compete with women in their desired range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years old than me! To put it differently, knowingly sends me matches that are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I've emailed a few of these men, I don't hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I am within their desirable range, I still don't get much of a reply. Backpage escorts closest to Fair Harbour Canada. I assume the reason for this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year old model of me? If their first wife was their age, like a college sweetheart or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It's frustrating, as well as depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the builtin folly of online sites: you're just defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to reassure me that I was a catch. And I still thing I should be - am tall, clean-cut, look youthful for 48, run my own successful company, understand just how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic location (Alaska). As a result I'm quite active so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women that have written back and no real dates. I picked women in my date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Farrell Creek British Columbia. Just to check I wrote to quite mature women and less attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped practically every woman. Tried all types of graphics. Nothing. When I talk to my female friends they say they are inundated. The sole dates I've had, 2, were from old friends who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and seldom return my calls. At Meetups women look interested but they don't answer. Just do not comprehend this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I 'm reluctant to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring forever alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I'm an elderly guy and most women on line in my age group make out they are not interested in the younger guys. But of course they're. It is just that all the younger guys approaching elderly women are mostly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest way to get easy sex. They only reveal interest in guys their own age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the guys start to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that is the reason why I am not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more choices regarding dating. Fair Harbour, British Columbia backpage escorts. But there are certain ways around this. First, a girl has to expressly say what she offers a guy (that he needs) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read tens of thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and nearly none of them actually state what they offer a man. Normally, it's a listing of demands and preferences. This is not great marketing. A woman must be able to answer the question What do I offer a man that he desires?" If she doesn't know, (or is offended by the question) she's not prepared for dating.
Debby, you're discussing rot as far as I am concerned. I'm 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Certainly the long term prospects are not good with a considerably younger girl. But in my experience a whole lot of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and handsome lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to believe it is all about a cynical money grab, I have to inform you we old guys, like some older women attract the opposite sex. Sadly, lots of people don't attract the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I 've the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Surely a man can assemble much about a lady from reading her profile, and women in many cases are so inundated with responses from inferior matches they become exasperated and start to set borders; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self absorption, and indicates perhaps an assumption that she's the more desirable one in the deal. Maybe women are accustomed to being pursued. A more considerate mature woman will realize that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Certainly men can often act exactly the same way, merely wanting sex. I consider the more profound truth is the fact that many folks only blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their ill comprehended desires, knowing neither themselves or what they need from a relationship.
The amusing thing is both me and my current bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this blog, I also was just competent to date younger (my usual preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Fair Harbour British Columbia Backpage Escorts. Backpage escorts nearby Fair Harbour. Shaved off quite a few years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (skinny, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I job youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I've had a clear edge. I figure I'm one of the fortunate ones, but I think that it's a combo of my style, a sort of God glow"/spiritualityand looks. Men have always been brought to me in person. Big time. Sometimes it was flattering and sometimes a problem honestly.
I have determined if my bf and I break up (God PROHIBIT as I am very in love with him) I will not return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the attempt imo. Perhaps 'cause eventually you are stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Fair Harbour British Columbia Backpage Escorts. I actually don't know....Am acceptable with my solitude now. Crave it really (bf and I 've a long distance relationship but only 72 miles). We are just apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to reside together sooner or later in the foreseeable future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variation circa 1965. Fair Harbour, British Columbia Backpage Escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over a couple of years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of guys (baby boomers) here, that one is completely mild and benign. I have read a lot more hateful invective on this site, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a regular declaration) men in my age group. The authors of this kettle of hater-aide? Just the youthful thirty and forty-something women fed up with the progress of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the large part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to believe his generation invented theories like introspection, self awareness, and personal growth, together with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discourse on old Boomer guys" below). Backpage escorts nearest Fair Harbour. Notice how he follows up with this little gem, The age and photo driven nature of online dating makes it more challenging for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Of course, the unspoken assertion is the fact that Boomer guys have no such problem, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will actually date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of the same women, who now feel entitled to guys from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in any girl younger than himself, and he is immediately labeled a creep, a pervert along with a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!