Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I'd concentrate on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this specific post. Backpage Escorts nearby Shouldice Alberta. This list is my best attempt at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with some of my own observations predicated on a little research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland region, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Manner too Many Pet Pictures. This was a tremendous complaint among the guys I interviewed. They're looking at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photographs, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the subject of pet photographs, I have a private request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all pictures of your cats. This is really significant. I can not stress it enough. Single, middle aged women already have to handle far too many negative stereotypes, and the cat pictures (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your bed) just serve to strengthen them. I once composed a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel unwelcome , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America informing me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photos. I really like Instagram photos because several of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about ten years off my face. But do I post these pictures on my internet dating profile? No I do not. Backpage Escorts near me Shouldice Alberta, Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not really that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photos would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) pictures. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you most likely adore them), but I do believe it is significant that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is that way too many women out there in the internet dating world are employing the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to guys also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Shonts Alberta. The thing is, there really isn't anything wrong with having an around typical (or curvy) body so let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and comprehend once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (right, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you want an excellent man who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, and then you post photographs of yourself next to your bed (or on your own bed, or in your bed, or in somebody else's bed). And if you're not posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photographs with way too much cleavage. Shouldice backpage escorts. Now, that's certainly fine - I have no issue at all with this, and I'm certain many men don't have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women place said super-sexy glamor photos and then whine to their buddies, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and just want them for sex. And while we're on the topic of complaint-filled profiles...
Cease Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several men noted how many women's online dating profiles are included mainly of grievances about guys - either their profiles, or their conduct in general. I agree with the men on this one. There's no point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes make use of a blog for that). So while I'm certain there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own choices. We can keep our favorable expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something is not quite appropriate. Much too often some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and also a desire to be pleasant and not seem rude, so we discount the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great sadness that she just couldn't trust the men she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about one of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless wealth and his links to powerful people all around the globe. She slept with him on the second date (after he assured to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could just no longer trust men she met online was a bit like whining about how she could just no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all of my middleaged internet dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sexy, drama-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and all derivatives of "my buddies/mom/ex/children tell me that..I am a glass-half-total optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just maybe, we can find some common ground and get back to the business of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I 'm aging out" of internet dating. Shouldice, Alberta backpage escorts. I've noticed after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the answer I get on has dropped to nearly nothing. It's as though proceeding from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some sort of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those men want, (generally 35-50) I often go past them, knowing I can't compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years older than me! To put it differently, intentionally sends me matches that are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I've e-mailed a few of these guys, I never hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I'm within their desired range, I still do not get much of a response. Backpage Escorts nearest Shouldice Canada. I suppose the reason behind this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year-old model of me? If their first wife was their age, such as, for instance, a school love or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It's frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the built-in folly of online sites: you're merely defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to reassure me that I was a catch. And I still matter I should be - am tall, trim, look young for 48, run my own successful company, know just how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I'm really active so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women who have written back and no real dates. I decided women in my date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Sidcup Alberta. Just to check I wrote to rather older women and not as attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped virtually every woman. Attempted all types of pictures. Nothing. When I speak to my female friends they say they are inundated. The sole dates I have had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and infrequently return my calls. At Meetups women seem interested but they don't respond. Just don't realize this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I 'm unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring forever alienated good buddies. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I am an older man and most women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger men. But of course they are. It is just that all the younger men approaching elderly women are mainly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest way to get easy sex. They only reveal interest in guys their own age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the guys begin to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that is the reason why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more choices regarding dating. Shouldice, Alberta backpage escorts. However there are certain ways around this. First, a woman has to expressly state what she offers a man (that he needs) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read tens of thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and almost none of them actually state what they offer a man. Typically, itis a listing of demands and preferences. This isn't good advertising. A woman should be able to answer the question What do I provide a man that he wants?" If she doesn't understand, (or is offended by the question) she's not prepared for dating.
Debby, you are discussing rot as far as I'm concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they do not even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects are not good with a much younger woman. But in my experience a great deal of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and fine lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to consider it's about a cynical cash grab, I must inform you we older guys, like some old women attract the opposite sex. Regrettably, a lot of people don't attract the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I 've the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a guy can collect much about a lady from reading her profile, and women in many cases are so inundated with replies from inferior matches they become exasperated and begin to set borders; yet for me this language indicates an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and indicates maybe an assumption that she is the more desirable one in the deal. Perhaps women are accustomed to being pursued. A more sensible mature girl will realize that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Certainly guys can often behave the same style, merely wanting sex. I consider the deeper truth is the fact that most people simply blunder unconsciously into relationships, compelled by their badly comprehended desires, knowing neither themselves or what they need from a connection.
The amusing thing is both me and my present bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've stated numerous times on this website, I also was only able to date younger (my normal preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Shouldice Alberta Backpage Escorts. Backpage Escorts nearest Shouldice. Shaved off quite a couple of years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (slim, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waistline til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I endeavor youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear edge. I imagine I am one of the fortunate ones, but I think that it's a combo of my personality, a form of God glow"/spiritualityand looks. Men have always been brought to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and sometimes a problem frankly.
I've decided if my bf and I break up (God PROHIBIT as I'm quite in love with him) I will not return to online dating but will give celibacy a shot. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the effort imo. Maybe 'cause eventually you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Shouldice Alberta Backpage Escorts. I do not know....Am ok with my isolation now. Crave it actually (bf and I 've a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We are just apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to dwell together sooner or later in the foreseeable future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand version circa 1965. Shouldice, Alberta Backpage Escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I discovered when I first came here over two years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of guys (baby boomers) here, that one is absolutely mild and benign. I've read a lot more hateful invective on this website, couched in rhetoric calculated to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent affirmation) men in my age group. The authors of this pot of hater-aide? Just the young thirty and forty-something women fed up with the advances of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the large part, occasionally egged on by young men like Nathan, who seems to think his generation invented theories like introspection, self awareness, and personal advancement, together with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer men" below). Backpage escorts closest to Shouldice. Note how he follows up with this little gem, The age and picture driven nature of online dating makes it more difficult for Boomer women to polish, regardless of what they do." Needless to say, the unspoken declaration is the fact that Boomer men have no such problem, and when they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of the same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in virtually any girl younger than himself, and he is promptly labeled a creep, a pervert and a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!