Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I Had concentrate on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this specific post. Backpage escorts near me Lothrop, Alberta. This list is my best attempt at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with some of my own observations based on a little research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you're a girl between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland region, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Manner too Many Pet Photos. This was a huge complaint among the men I interviewed. They're taking a look at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet pictures, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we are on the subject of pet photographs, I have a private request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photographs of your cats. This really is really important. I can not stress it enough. Single, middle aged women already must handle way too many negative stereotypes, along with the cat photos (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your own bed) merely function to reinforce them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America informing me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photographs. I really like Instagram photographs because lots of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about ten years off my face. But do I post these pictures on my online dating profile? No I don't. Backpage Escorts nearby Lothrop Alberta Canada. Why? Because my eyes aren't really that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photos would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) photos. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in advertising.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you almost certainly adore them), but I do believe it's important that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is the fact that way too many women out there in the online dating world are using the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to guys also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Lorraine Alberta. The matter is, there really is not anything wrong with having an about average (or curvy) body thus let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and understand once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (right, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you want a quality guy who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, and then you post photographs of yourself next to your bed (or on your bed, or in your bed, or in another person 's bed). And if you aren't posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photos with far too much cleavage. Lothrop backpage escorts. Now, that is absolutely fine - I don't have any issue at all with this, and I'm certain many guys don't have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women place said super-sexy glamour photos and then complain to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and just need them for sex. And while we're on the topic of complaint-filled profiles...
Stop Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several men noticed how many women's online dating profiles are comprised mostly of criticisms about men - either their profiles, or their behavior in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There is absolutely no point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes make use of a website for that). So while I'm certain there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and behaving badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own picks. We can keep our favorable expectations while at exactly the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite right. Much too often some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and also a desire to be fine and not seem ill-mannered, so we discount the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great sadness that she just couldn't trust the guys she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about one of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless abundance and his connections to powerful people all around the globe. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he assured to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could only no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could merely no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I would like to ask all my middle aged online dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, lusty, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my friends/mom/ex/children tell me that..I am a glass-half-complete optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just maybe, we can locate some common ground and get back to the company of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I 'm aging out" of online dating. Lothrop, Alberta Backpage Escorts. I have found after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to virtually nothing. It is as though proceeding from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some sort of death knell for a dating life. I begin contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches that the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those guys desire, (normally 35-50) I regularly move past them, knowing I can not compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years older than me! To put it differently, knowingly sends me matches that are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I've e-mailed some of these men, I never hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I'm within their desired range, I still don't get much of a reply. Backpage Escorts nearest Lothrop Canada. I presume the reason behind this is they can get younger women to react to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year-old model of me? If their first wife was their age, like a school love or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture supports this. It's frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the builtin folly of on-line websites: you're simply defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to assure me that I was a grab. And I still thing I should be - am tall, clean-cut, seem young for 48, run my own successful business, know the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I'm very active so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women who've written back and no real dates. I picked women in my date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Lougheed Alberta. Just to check I wrote to fairly old women and not as appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped almost every girl. Attempted all kinds of images. Nothing. while I speak to my female friends they say they're inundated. The sole dates I've had, 2, were from old friends who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and infrequently return my calls. At Meetups women look interested however they do not answer. Just don't realize this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I 'm unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring forever alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I am an older man and most women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger guys. But of course they're. It is just that all the younger guys approaching mature women are mostly, looking for what they consider to be the fastest way to get easy sex. They only show interest in guys their own age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. it is insulting to me. And that's why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more choices regarding dating. Lothrop Alberta Backpage Escorts. But there are ways around this. First, a woman has to expressly say what she offers a guy (that he desires) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and practically not one of them actually say what they offer a guy. Normally, it's a listing of demands and choices. This really is not good advertising. A female should be able to answer the question What do I offer a guy that he desires?" If she doesn't know, (or is offended by the question) she is not ready for dating.
Debby, you are talking rot as far as I'm concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I've had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Certainly the long term prospects are not great with a much younger woman. But in my experience a great deal of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and fine lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to believe it's about a cynical money grab, I need to inform you we mature men, like some elderly women bring the opposite sex. Sadly, many people do not attract the opposite sex. nature is cruel.
I 've the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a man can collect much about a female from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with replies from inferior matches they become exasperated and start to establish bounds; yet for me this language indicates an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and suggests perhaps an assumption that she's the more desired one in the deal. Perhaps women are used to being pursued. A more thoughtful mature girl will understand that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Definitely men can often act the same style, only wanting sex. I believe the more profound truth is that most folks only blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their badly understood desires, knowing neither themselves or what they need from a connection.
The amusing thing is both me and my current bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this particular website, I also was only capable to date younger (my usual taste except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Lothrop Alberta backpage escorts. Backpage escorts near Lothrop. Shaved off quite several years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (slender, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I project youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I've had a clear edge. I imagine I'm one of the lucky ones, but I believe that it's a combo of my style, a kind of God luminescence"/spiritualityand looks. Men have always been attracted to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and sometimes a problem frankly.
I've decided if my bf and I break up (God PROHIBIT as I am very in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 ISN'T worth the effort imo. Maybe 'cause eventually you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer guys. Lothrop Alberta Backpage Escorts. I don't know....Am acceptable with my isolation now. Crave it really (bf and I have a long distance relationship but only 72 miles). We're only apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to live together at some point in the foreseeable future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variation circa 1965. Lothrop Alberta Backpage Escorts.
There is plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over a couple of years past; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of guys (baby boomers) here, that one is absolutely mild and benign. I have read far more hateful invective on this particular site, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent assertion) guys in my age group. The writers of this kettle of hater-aide? Just the youthful thirty and forty-something women fed up with the advances of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the large part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to believe his generation devised notions like introspection, self awareness, and personal advancement, along with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discourse on old Boomer guys" below). Backpage escorts near me Lothrop. Note how he follows up with this small jewel, The age and photo driven nature of online dating makes it more challenging for Boomer women to polish, regardless of what they do." Of course, the unspoken declaration is the fact that Boomer guys have no such problem, and when they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will actually date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile perspective) by most of precisely the same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in any woman younger than himself, and he's instantly labeled a creep, a pervert and also a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can not resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!