Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I assured everyone that this week I'd focus on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this particular post. Backpage escorts nearby Hobbema Alberta. The following list is my best effort at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with some of my own observations predicated on a bit of research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Photos. This was a huge criticism among the men I interviewed. They are looking at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet pictures, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the subject of pet photographs, I have a private request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photos of your cats. This is so important. I can not stress it enough. Single, middle-aged women already have to deal with way too many negative stereotypes, along with the cat photos (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats in your bed) merely serve to bolster them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating occasionally made me feel unwelcome , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America telling me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photographs. I love Instagram photographs because lots of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these pictures on my internet dating profile? No I do not. Backpage escorts nearest Hobbema Alberta, Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photos would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) photographs. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you almost certainly love them), but I do think it's important that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is the fact that far too many women out there in the internet dating world are using the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to guys as well, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Hoadley Alberta. The thing is, there really is not anything wrong with having an about typical (or curvy) body so let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and recognize once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you desire an excellent man who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, and then you post pictures of yourself next to your bed (or on your own bed, or in your bed, or in someone else's bed). And if you aren't posting photos of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photographs with far too much cleavage. Hobbema backpage escorts. Now, that is completely great - I have no issue at all with this, and I'm sure many guys don't have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women post said super-sexy glamor pictures and then whine to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and only need them for sex. And while we are on the subject of complaint-filled profiles...
Quit Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several guys noted how many women's online dating profiles are comprised mostly of complaints about men - either their profiles, or their conduct in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There isn't any point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes make use of a website for that). So while I'm sure there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own picks. We can keep our favorable expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something is not quite correct. Far too frequently some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking as well as a want to be fine and not appear rude, so we ignore the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a girl who expressed great depression that she simply could not trust the men she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about one of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless prosperity and his links to powerful people all around the world. She slept with him on the second date (after he promised to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Complaining about how she could only no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could merely no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all of my middle aged internet dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, lusty, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and all derivatives of "my buddies/mother/ex/children tell me that..I'm a glass-half-total optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just perhaps, we can locate some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I 'm aging out" of online dating. Hobbema, Alberta backpage escorts. I have discovered after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to almost nothing. It is as though going from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some form of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches that the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look in the age-range that those guys desire, (typically 35-50) I regularly move past them, understanding I can't compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years older than me! In other words, intentionally sends me matches which are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I have e-mailed a few of these guys, I don't hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I am within their desirable range, I still don't get much of a reply. Backpage escorts closest to Hobbema, Canada. I suppose the reason behind this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year old version of me? If their first wife was their age, like a college sweetheart or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture supports this. It is frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the built in folly of online sites: you're merely defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to assure me that I was a grab. And I still thing I should be - am tall, clean-cut, look young for 48, run my own successful company, understand the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I'm really busy so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women who've written back and no genuine dates. I decided women in my date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Holborn Alberta. Simply to check I wrote to fairly old women and less appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped practically every woman. Attempted all kinds of pictures. Nothing. When I talk to my female friends they say they're inundated. The sole dates I've had, 2, were from old pals who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and rarely return my calls. At Meetups women appear interested however they don't answer. Simply don't understand this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I am loath to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring forever alienated good friends. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I'm an elderly guy and most women on line in my age group make out they are not interested in the younger men. But of course they are. It is only that all the younger men approaching senior women are mostly, looking for what they consider to be the fastest way to get easy sex. They just show interest in guys their very own age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. it is insulting to me. And that is why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more options regarding dating. Hobbema Alberta Backpage Escorts. However there are ways around this. First, a girl has to specifically state what she offers a man (that he wants) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and practically not one of them really say what they offer a man. Usually, it's a record of demands and preferences. This really is not good advertising. A woman must be able to answer the question What do I offer a guy he needs?" If she doesn't know, (or is offended by the question) she's not prepared for dating.
Debby, you're speaking rot as far as I'm concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects are not good with a much younger girl. But in my experience a great deal of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and attractive lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to believe it's about a cynical cash grab, I need to inform you we old men, like some old women attract the opposite sex. Sadly, a lot of people do not entice the opposite sex. nature is cruel.
I 've exactly the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Surely a man can assemble much about a lady from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with responses from poor matches they become exasperated and start to establish bounds; yet for me this language indicates an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and indicates perhaps an assumption that she's the more desirable one in the deal. Perhaps women are used to being pursued. A more thoughtful mature girl will recognize that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Definitely men can often act exactly the same way, only wanting sex. I consider the deeper truth is that most people just blunder unconsciously into relationships, compelled by their ill understood desires, knowing neither themselves or what they want from a relationship.
The funny thing is both me and my present bf JUST dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this particular blog, I also was only able to date younger (my usual taste except for my present same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Hobbema Alberta Backpage Escorts. Backpage escorts nearby Hobbema. Shaved off quite a few years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (slender, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I endeavor youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear advantage. I guess I am one of the fortunate ones, but I believe that it's a combo of my style, a kind of God glow"/spiritualityand looks. Men have ever been brought to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and occasionally a difficulty frankly.
I have determined if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I am very in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a shot. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the attempt imo. Maybe 'cause finally you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer guys. Hobbema Alberta backpage escorts. I do not know....Am acceptable with my isolation now. Crave it really (bf and I have a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We are only apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to dwell together at some point in the foreseeable future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand version circa 1965. Hobbema Alberta backpage escorts.
There is plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over two years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of guys (baby boomers) here, that one is certainly light and benign. I've read a lot more hateful invective on this particular site, couched in rhetoric calculated to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent affirmation) guys in my age group. The authors of this pot of hater-aide? Only the youthful thirty and forty something women fed up with the advances of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the large part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to believe his generation invented theories like introspection, self-awareness, and personal advancement, along with pretty much everything else (see his self-serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer men" below). Backpage Escorts near me Hobbema. Note how he follows up with this small jewel, The age and photograph driven nature of online dating makes it more challenging for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Naturally, the unspoken declaration is the fact that Boomer guys have no such difficulty, and when they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile perspective) by most of exactly the same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no more than 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in any girl younger than himself, and he's promptly labeled a creep, a pervert along with a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can not resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!