Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I'd concentrate on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this particular post. Cheap prostitutes nearby Greenwood Coxwell, Ontario. The following list is my best attempt at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with a few of my own observations based on a little research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you are a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Manner too Many Pet Photos. This was a tremendous complaint among the guys I interviewed. They are taking a look at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photos, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the subject of pet photos, I got a private request of all you single, middle aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photos of your cats. This really is really significant. I can't stress it enough. Single, middle aged women already have to deal with much too many negative stereotypes, as well as the cat photos (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your own bed) just serve to augment them. I once composed a blog post about how dating occasionally made me feel unwanted , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America notifying me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Pictures. I love Instagram photographs because many of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these pictures on my online dating profile? No I don't. Cheap Prostitutes near Greenwood Coxwell Ontario, Canada. Why? Because my eyes aren't really that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photographs would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) photos. Truth in advertising women, truth in advertising.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you most likely adore them), but I do believe it's significant that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is the fact that far too many women out there in the internet dating world are using the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to men as well, of course). Cheap Prostitutes Near Me Greenview Ontario. The matter is, there really isn't anything wrong with having an about average (or curvy) body so let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and understand once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (appropriate, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you desire an excellent guy who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, then you post photos of yourself next to your bed (or on your own bed, or in your bed, or in someone else's bed). And if you're not posting photographs of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting pictures with far too much cleavage. Greenwood Coxwell Cheap Prostitutes. Now, that is completely wonderful - I have no difficulty at all with this, and I am sure many men do not have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women place said super-hot glamour shots and then whine to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and just need them for sex. And while we're on the subject of complaint-filled profiles...
Stop Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several guys noticed how many women's online dating profiles are included mainly of grievances about men - either their profiles, or their conduct in general. I agree with the men on this one. There's no point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes use a website for that). So while I am certain there are guys (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own picks. We can keep our positive expectations while at the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite appropriate. Far too frequently some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and a want to be fine and not appear ill-mannered, so we discount the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a girl who expressed great dismay that she simply couldn't trust the men she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about any of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless wealth and his connections to powerful people all over the world. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he assured to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could just no longer trust men she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could just no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I would like to ask all of my middle aged online dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sensual, drama-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I hate talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my buddies/mom/ex-husband/children tell me that..I am a glass-half-total optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just perhaps, we can locate some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I 'm aging out" of internet dating. Greenwood Coxwell, Ontario cheap prostitutes. I have seen after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the answer I get on has dropped to nearly nothing. It is as though going from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some kind of death-knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches that the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look in the age-range that those guys desire, (generally 35-50) I often move past them, understanding I can not compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years old than me! In other words, intentionally sends me matches which are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I have emailed a number of those men, I don't hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I'm within their desired range, I still do not get much of a response. Cheap prostitutes near Greenwood Coxwell, Canada. I presume the reason for this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year-old model of me? If their first wife was their age, like a school love or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It is frustrating, as well as depressing and more than a little humiliating. It is the built-in folly of on-line websites: you are merely defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to assure me that I was a grab. And I still thing I should be - am tall, clean-cut, seem youthful for 48, run my own successful firm, know the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I am really busy so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women who've written back and no real dates. I decided women in my own date range and attractiveness range. Cheap Prostitutes Near Me Griffis Corners Ontario. Merely to check I wrote to rather old women and less attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped nearly every woman. Tried all kinds of pictures. Nothing. When I speak to my female friends they say they are inundated. The only dates I have had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and seldom return my calls. At Meetups women appear interested however they do not answer. Just do not understand this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I am unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring forever alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all of this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I am an old man and most women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger guys. But of course they're. It is only that all the younger men approaching elderly women are predominantly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest method to get easy sex. They only reveal interest in guys their own age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the guys begin to lose interest in them. it is insulting to me. And that's why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more choices regarding dating. Greenwood Coxwell, Ontario cheap prostitutes. However there are certain ways around this. First, a girl has to specifically say what she offers a man (that he wants) in the context of dating and relationships. I have read tens of thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and almost none of them actually say what they provide a guy. Usually, it is a list of demands and choices. This really is not good marketing. A female must be able to answer the question What do I offer a guy that he desires?" If she does not know, (or is offended by the question) she's not ready for dating.
Debby, you are discussing rot as far as I'm concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I've had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects are not great with a much younger girl. But in my experience a lot of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and fine lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to consider it is all about a cynical cash grab, I must tell you we elderly men, like some older women bring the opposite sex. Regrettably, many don't entice the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I 've the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Certainly a guy can assemble much about a lady from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with replies from poor matches that they become exasperated and begin to set borders; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self absorption, and indicates maybe an assumption that she's the more desirable one in the deal. Perhaps women are accustomed to being pursued. A more considerate mature girl will realize that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Certainly men can frequently act the same way, merely wanting sex. I believe the more profound truth is the fact that many people simply blunder unconsciously into relationships, compelled by their badly understood desires, knowing neither themselves or what they want from a connection.
The funny thing is both me and my present bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this site, I also was only capable to date younger (my normal preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Greenwood Coxwell Ontario cheap prostitutes. Cheap Prostitutes near Greenwood Coxwell. Shaved off quite a couple of years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (slender, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waistline til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I job youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I've had a clear edge. I suppose I'm one of the fortunate ones, but I think it's a combo of my style, a kind of God luminescence"/spiritualityand seems. Men have always been attracted to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and sometimes a difficulty frankly.
I have decided if my bf and I break up (God PROHIBIT as I'm quite in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 ISN'T worth the attempt imo. Maybe 'cause eventually you are stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Greenwood Coxwell Ontario cheap prostitutes. I really don't know....Am alright with my isolation now. Crave it really (bf and I have a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We are only apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to dwell together at some point in the foreseeable future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variation circa 1965. Greenwood Coxwell Ontario Cheap Prostitutes.
There's plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over two years past; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is completely mild and benign. I've read a lot more hateful invective on this particular website, couched in rhetoric calculated to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent assertion) men in my age group. The writers of this kettle of hater-aide? Just the young thirty and forty something women fed up with the improvements of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the most part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to think his generation invented concepts like introspection, self-awareness, and personal advancement, along with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer guys" below). Cheap Prostitutes nearest Greenwood Coxwell. Note how he follows up with this small jewel, The age and photograph driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to polish, regardless of what they do." Naturally, the unspoken assertion is that Boomer guys have no such issue, and when they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of exactly the same women, who now feel entitled to guys from 15 years younger to no more than 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a guy express interest in virtually any woman younger than himself, and he's instantly labeled a creep, a pervert and also a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!