Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I assured everyone that this week I'd concentrate on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this particular post. Cheap Prostitutes near me Rawebb Manitoba. The following list is my best attempt at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with some of my own observations based on a bit of research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you're a girl between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Manner too Many Pet Photographs. This was a tremendous complaint among the guys I interviewed. They're taking a look at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet pictures, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we are on the topic of pet photos, I got a personal request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photographs of your cats. This is really significant. I can not emphasize it enough. Single, middle aged women already must manage way too many negative stereotypes, and also the cat pictures (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats in your bed) just function to fortify them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating occasionally made me feel unwelcome , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America notifying me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Pictures. I love Instagram photos because several of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about ten years off my face. But do I post these pictures on my internet dating profile? No I do not. Cheap Prostitutes near Rawebb Manitoba Canada. Why? Because my eyes aren't really that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photographs would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., deceptive) photos. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you probably love them), but I do think it is significant that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is the fact that way too many women out there in the internet dating world are using the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to men as well, of course). Cheap Prostitutes Near Me Rapid City Manitoba. The matter is, there actually isn't anything wrong with having an about average (or curvy) body thus let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and comprehend once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you desire a good man who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, then you post photographs of yourself next to your bed (or in your bed, or in your bed, or in another person 's bed). And if you aren't posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you're posting pictures with way too much cleavage. Rawebb cheap prostitutes. Now, that's certainly excellent - I don't have any trouble at all with this, and I am certain many guys do not have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women post said super-sexy glamor photos and then whine to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and only need them for sex. And while we're on the subject of criticism-filled profiles...
Cease Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several men noticed how many women's online dating profiles are contained mostly of grievances about men - either their profiles, or their behavior in general. I agree with the men on this one. There's absolutely no point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes use a website for that). So while I am certain there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and behaving badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can keep our favorable expectations while at the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite correct. Way too often some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and a desire to be fine and not seem rude, so we ignore the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and continue without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great sadness that she just couldn't trust the men she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about one of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless prosperity and his connections to powerful individuals all over the world. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he assured to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Complaining about how she could merely no longer trust men she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could merely no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all of my middle-aged internet dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sexy, drama-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my friends/mother/ex-husband/kids tell me that..I'm a glass-half-complete optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just perhaps, we can find some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of internet dating. Rawebb Manitoba cheap prostitutes. I've found after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to almost nothing. It is as though proceeding from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some sort of death knell for a dating life. I begin contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those men want, (typically 35-50) I often go past them, knowing I can not compete with women in their desired range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years old than me! In other words, knowingly sends me matches that are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I've e-mailed a number of these guys, I never hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I'm within their desired range, I still do not get much of a reply. Cheap prostitutes near me Rawebb Canada. I presume the reason for this is they can get younger women to react to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year-old model of me? If their first wife was their age, such as, for instance, a school sweetheart or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture supports this. It is frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It is the builtin folly of on-line websites: you're only defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to reassure me that I was a grab. And I still matter I should be - am tall, trim, seem young for 48, run my own successful firm, understand just how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I am very busy so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women that have written back and no real dates. I decided women in my own date range and attractiveness range. Cheap Prostitutes Near Me Reaburn Manitoba. Merely to check I wrote to quite old women and not as appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped nearly every girl. Tried all types of pictures. Nothing. When I talk to my female friends they say they're inundated. The sole dates I have had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and seldom return my calls. At Meetups women seem interested but they do not respond. Just don't realize this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I am reluctant to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring forever alienated good buddies. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I'm an older guy and many women on line in my age group make out they are not interested in the younger guys. But of course they're. It's merely that all the younger guys approaching mature women are predominantly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest method to get easy sex. They only show interest in guys their particular age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the guys start to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that is why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more options regarding dating. Rawebb, Manitoba cheap prostitutes. But there are certain ways around this. First, a woman has to specifically state what she offers a guy (that he desires) in the context of dating and relationships. I have read thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and almost not one of them actually say what they offer a guy. Normally, itis a record of demands and preferences. This really is not great marketing. A lady should have the ability to answer the question What do I offer a guy that he needs?" If she doesn't understand, (or is offended by the question) she is not prepared for dating.
Debby, you are speaking rot as far as I am concerned. I'm 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Certainly the long term prospects are not good with a much younger girl. But in my experience a lot of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and fine lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to believe it is about a cynical money grab, I must inform you we old men, like some older women bring the opposite sex. Sadly, many people don't entice the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I have the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a man can collect much about a lady from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with responses from poor matches that they become exasperated and begin to establish boundaries; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and suggests perhaps an assumption that she is the more desirable one in the deal. Perhaps women are accustomed to being pursued. A more thoughtful mature woman will comprehend that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Certainly men can often behave exactly the same way, merely wanting sex. I believe the deeper truth is that many people just blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their ill comprehended desires, knowing neither themselves or what they need from a connection.
The funny thing is both me and my current bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this website, I also was only competent to date younger (my normal preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Rawebb Manitoba Cheap Prostitutes. Cheap Prostitutes near me Rawebb. Shaved off quite a few years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (slender, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I project youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I've had a clear advantage. I suppose I am one of the blessed ones, but I think that it's a combo of my character, a kind of God luminescence"/spiritualityand appears. Men have always been attracted to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and occasionally a problem frankly.
I have determined if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I am really in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a shot. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the attempt imo. Maybe 'cause eventually you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer guys. Rawebb, Manitoba Cheap Prostitutes. I do not know....Am ok with my isolation now. Crave it actually (bf and I have a long distance relationship but only 72 miles). We are just apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to dwell together at some point later on. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand version circa 1965. Rawebb Manitoba Cheap Prostitutes.
There is plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over two years past; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of guys (baby boomers) here, that one is definitely light and benign. I've read a lot more hateful invective on this blog, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a regular declaration) men in my age group. The writers of this kettle of hater-aide? Only the youthful thirty and forty something women fed up with the progress of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the most part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to think his generation invented theories like introspection, self awareness, and personal growth, together with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discourse on old Boomer guys" below). Cheap prostitutes in Rawebb. Notice how he follows up with this small gem, The age and picture driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to polish, regardless of what they do." Naturally, the unspoken declaration is the fact that Boomer men have no such difficulty, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who'll really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of the exact same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a guy express interest in virtually any girl younger than himself, and he is promptly labeled a creep, a pervert and also a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can not resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!