Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I assured everyone that this week I'd concentrate on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm much more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this specific post. Cheap prostitutes near me Cecil, Alberta. The following list is my best attempt at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with some of my own observations predicated on a bit of research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland region, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Photos. This was a tremendous gripe among the men I interviewed. They are taking a look at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photographs, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we are on the subject of pet photos, I got a private request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all pictures of your cats. This is so important. I can not emphasize it enough. Single, middle-aged women already must deal with far too many negative stereotypes, along with the cat photographs (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your bed) just function to fortify them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America notifying me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photographs. I really like Instagram pictures because lots of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photos on my internet dating profile? No I don't. Cheap prostitutes in Cecil Alberta, Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I am about 10 years older than my Instagram photographs would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) photos. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in advertising.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you almost certainly love them), but I do believe it's important that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is the fact that far too many women out there in the online dating world are using the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to guys also, of course). Cheap Prostitutes Near Me Cayley Alberta. The thing is, there actually isn't anything wrong with having an around typical (or curvy) body thus let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and recognize once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (appropriate, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you desire an excellent guy who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, and then you post photographs of yourself next to your bed (or in your bed, or in your bed, or in somebody else's bed). And if you're not posting photographs of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photographs with way too much cleavage. Cecil Cheap Prostitutes. Now, that's certainly great - I have no problem at all with this, and I'm sure many men don't have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women post said super-sexy glamor shots and then whine to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and only need them for sex. And while we are on the subject of criticism-filled profiles...
Cease Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several guys noticed how many women's online dating profiles are contained chiefly of criticisms about men - either their profiles, or their behaviour in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There is absolutely no point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes make use of a blog for that). So while I'm certain there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can maintain our positive expectations while at the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite correct. Far too frequently some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and a want to be nice and not appear impolite, so we ignore the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great depression that she just couldn't trust the men she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about any of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless prosperity and his links to powerful people all around the world. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he assured to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could simply no longer trust men she met online was a bit like whining about how she could only no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all my middleaged online dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sensual, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and all derivatives of "my friends/mother/ex-husband/kids tell me that..I'm a glass-half-full optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just perhaps, we can locate some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of internet dating. Cecil, Alberta cheap prostitutes. I've seen after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to nearly nothing. It's as though proceeding from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some form of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches that the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look in the age-range that those men desire, (normally 35-50) I regularly go past them, knowing I can't compete with women in their desired range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years old than me! To put it differently, knowingly sends me matches that are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I've e-mailed a few of these men, I never hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I'm within their desirable range, I still do not get much of a response. Cheap Prostitutes near Cecil Canada. I presume the reason behind this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year-old model of me? If their first wife was their age, like a school sweetheart or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It's frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the builtin folly of online websites: you're merely defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to assure me that I was a catch. And I still matter I should be - am tall, trim, seem youthful for 48, run my own successful business, understand how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I'm quite busy so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women that have written back and no actual dates. I picked women in my own date range and attractiveness range. Cheap Prostitutes Near Me Cereal Alberta. Simply to check I wrote to rather old women and less appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped almost every woman. Attempted all types of images. Nothing. while I speak to my female friends they say they're inundated. The sole dates I've had, 2, were from old friends who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and rarely return my calls. At Meetups women look interested however they don't respond. Simply do not recognize this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I am reluctant to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring permanently alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I'm an old man and many women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger guys. But of course they are. It's merely that all the younger men approaching old women are predominantly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest method to get easy sex. They simply show interest in guys their particular age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. it is insulting to me. And that is the reason why I am not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more options regarding dating. Cecil, Alberta Cheap Prostitutes. But there are certain ways around this. First, a girl has to specifically say what she offers a guy (that he needs) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read tens of thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and practically not one of them really say what they offer a guy. Generally, it is a record of demands and preferences. This really isn't great marketing. A woman must be able to answer the question What do I offer a man that he wants?" If she doesn't know, (or is offended by the question) she is not ready for dating.
Debby, you're discussing rot as far as I am concerned. I'm 62 and let me tell you, I've had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects aren't great with a considerably younger girl. But in my experience a great deal of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and fine lol - Sorry, but as much as youwant to consider it's all about a cynical cash grab, I need to inform you we mature men, like some mature women attract the opposite sex. Unfortunately, many people do not bring the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I have the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a guy can assemble much about a female from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with answers from inferior matches they become exasperated and start to set bounds; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and indicates maybe an assumption that she's the more desired one in the deal. Maybe women are used to being pursued. A more thoughtful mature girl will understand that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Clearly men can often act exactly the same way, only wanting sex. I believe the deeper truth is the fact that many folks only blunder unconsciously into relationships, compelled by their badly understood desires, knowing neither themselves or what they need from a relationship.
The funny thing is both me and my present bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've stated numerous times on this site, I also was only able to date younger (my usual preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Cecil, Alberta Cheap Prostitutes. Cheap Prostitutes near me Cecil. Shaved off quite a number of years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (skinny, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waistline til recently (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I endeavor youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear advantage. I guess I'm one of the fortunate ones, but I think it is a combo of my style, a kind of God glow"/spiritualityand appears. Men have always been attracted to me in person. Big time. Sometimes it was flattering and sometimes a difficulty honestly.
I've determined if my bf and I break up (God PROHIBIT as I'm quite in love with him) I will not return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 ISN'T worth the effort imo. Perhaps 'cause finally you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Cecil, Alberta cheap prostitutes. I do not know....Am acceptable with my solitude now. Crave it really (bf and I have a long distance relationship but only 72 miles). We're merely apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to dwell together at some point later on. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variation circa 1965. Cecil, Alberta Cheap Prostitutes.
There's plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over two years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is completely mild and benign. I have read far more hateful invective on this particular site, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent affirmation) men in my age group. The writers of the pot of hater-aide? Just the young thirty and forty something women fed up with the advances of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the most part, occasionally egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to think his generation devised theories like introspection, self-awareness, and personal growth, together with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer men" below). Cheap prostitutes near me Cecil. Notice how he follows up with this small jewel, The age and photo driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Naturally, the unspoken declaration is the fact that Boomer men have no such problem, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will actually date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of exactly the same women, who now feel entitled to guys from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a guy express interest in any woman younger than himself, and he's instantly labeled a creep, a pervert and also a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!