Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I'd focus on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am far more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this specific post. Backpage escorts near me Saint-Malo Quebec. This list is my best effort at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with some of my own observations predicated on a bit of research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland region, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Photographs. This was a huge criticism among the guys I interviewed. They are looking at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet pictures, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the subject of pet photographs, I got a personal request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photographs of your cats. This is really important. I can't stress it enough. Single, middle-aged women already need to manage much too many negative stereotypes, along with the cat photographs (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats in your bed) merely function to reinforce them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel unwanted , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America advising me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so really, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photos. I love Instagram pictures because lots of the filters make my eyes seem strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photographs on my online dating profile? No I do not. Backpage escorts near me Saint-Malo Quebec, Canada. Why? Because my eyes aren't actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram pictures would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) pictures. Truth in advertising women, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you most likely adore them), but I do think it is significant that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is that way too many women out there in the online dating world are utilizing the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to guys also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Saint-Malachie Quebec. The thing is, there really isn't anything wrong with having an around average (or curvy) body thus let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and comprehend once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you desire a quality man who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship with you, then you post photographs of yourself next to your bed (or on your own bed, or in your bed, or in somebody else's bed). And if you aren't posting photos of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photographs with far too much cleavage. Saint-Malo backpage escorts. Now, that's absolutely fine - I have no problem at all with this, and I'm sure many guys do not have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women post said super-hot glamour pictures and then whine to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and just want them for sex. And while we're on the subject of complaint-filled profiles...
Quit Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several men noted how many women's online dating profiles are included primarily of complaints about men - either their profiles, or their behaviour in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There is absolutely no point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes use a website for that). So while I'm certain there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can maintain our positive expectations while at exactly the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite appropriate. Way too often some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking as well as a want to be pleasant and not appear ill-mannered, so we discount the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and continue without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great depression that she just could not trust the men she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about one of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless wealth and his links to powerful individuals all around the globe. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he assured to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could just no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could merely no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I would like to ask all of my middleaged internet dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sexy, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and all derivatives of "my friends/mom/ex/kids tell me that..I am a glass-half-full optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just perhaps, we can locate some common ground and get back to the business of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of online dating. Saint-Malo, Quebec backpage escorts. I have found after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to virtually nothing. It is as though going from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some kind of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches that the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look in the age-range that those guys desire, (generally 35-50) I regularly go past them, knowing I can not compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years old than me! In other words, knowingly sends me matches that are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I've e-mailed a number of those guys, I don't hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I'm within their desirable range, I still don't get much of a reply. Backpage escorts nearest Saint-Malo Canada. I suppose the reason behind this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year old version of me? If their first wife was their age, like a college honey or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It is frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the built in folly of on-line sites: you are just defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to assure me that I was a catch. And I still matter I should be - am tall, trim, look youthful for 48, run my own successful company, know just how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I'm very busy so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women who've written back and no real dates. I decided women in my own date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Saint-Marc-De-Figuery Quebec. Merely to check I wrote to rather old women and not as attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped practically every woman. Attempted all kinds of graphics. Nothing. When I talk to my female friends they say they are inundated. The sole dates I have had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they had been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and rarely return my calls. At Meetups women appear interested however they do not answer. Just don't realize this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I 'm unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring forever alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I am an old guy and most women on line in my age group make out they are not interested in the younger men. But of course they're. It's only that all the younger men approaching mature women are mainly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest way to get easy sex. They simply reveal interest in guys their very own age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the men begin to lose interest in them. it is insulting to me. And that's the reason why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more alternatives regarding dating. Saint-Malo, Quebec backpage escorts. But there are certain ways around this. First, a girl has to specifically say what she offers a guy (that he desires) in the context of dating and relationships. I have read a large number of female profiles (35-55 years old) and almost none of them actually state what they offer a guy. Generally, it is a listing of demands and preferences. This isn't good advertising. A lady must have the ability to answer the question What do I provide a guy he needs?" If she doesn't understand, (or is offended by the question) she is not ready for dating.
Debby, you're speaking rot as far as I am concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Certainly the long term prospects are not good with a much younger girl. But in my experience a lot of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and attractive lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to believe it's about a cynical money grab, I must tell you we elderly guys, like some elderly women entice the opposite sex. Unfortunately, many people do not entice the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I have exactly the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Certainly a guy can assemble much about a woman from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with responses from inferior matches that they become exasperated and begin to set borders; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self absorption, and suggests perhaps an assumption that she is the more desirable one in the deal. Perhaps women are accustomed to being pursued. A more thoughtful mature woman will understand that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Certainly men can frequently act the same manner, just wanting sex. I believe the more profound truth is the fact that most folks only blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their badly understood desires, knowing neither themselves or what they want from a relationship.
The funny thing is both me and my present bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've stated numerous times on this blog, I also was just competent to date younger (my usual preference except for my present same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Saint-Malo, Quebec Backpage Escorts. Backpage escorts nearby Saint-Malo. Shaved off quite a couple of years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (lean, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I job youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I've had a clear edge. I suppose I'm one of the lucky ones, but I believe that it's a combo of my style, a kind of God glow"/spiritualityand looks. Men have ever been brought to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and sometimes a issue honestly.
I've decided if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I am quite in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a shot. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the effort imo. Maybe 'cause finally you are stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Saint-Malo Quebec Backpage Escorts. I do not know....Am acceptable with my solitude now. Crave it actually (bf and I 've a long distance relationship but only 72 miles). We are only apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to dwell together at some point in the future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand version circa 1965. Saint-Malo, Quebec backpage escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I discovered when I first came here over two years past; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is absolutely mild and benign. I've read far more hateful invective on this particular site, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent assertion) men in my age group. The authors of this pot of hater-aide? Only the young thirty and forty something women fed up with the advances of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the most part, occasionally egged on by young men like Nathan, who seems to believe his generation devised theories like introspection, self-awareness, and personal advancement, along with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer men" below). Backpage Escorts near Saint-Malo. Note how he follows up with this small gem, The age and photograph driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Naturally, the unspoken assertion is the fact that Boomer men have no such problem, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of the same women, who now feel entitled to guys from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in virtually any woman younger than himself, and he is promptly labeled a creep, a pervert along with a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!