Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I Had focus on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this post. Backpage escorts nearest Stratford Ontario. The following list is my best attempt at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with some of my own observations predicated on a bit of research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you are a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland region, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Manner too Many Pet Photographs. This was a tremendous criticism among the guys I interviewed. They are looking at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photos, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we are on the subject of pet pictures, I have a private request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photos of your cats. This is so significant. I can not stress it enough. Single, middle aged women already have to cope with much too many negative stereotypes, along with the cat pictures (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your bed) only function to bolster them. I once composed a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel unwanted , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America notifying me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so really, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photos. I love Instagram photos because lots of the filters make my eyes appear strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photos on my online dating profile? No I do not. Backpage escorts in Stratford Ontario, Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I am about 10 years older than my Instagram pictures would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) photographs. Truth in advertising women, truth in advertising.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you most likely love them), but I do think it is important that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is that far too many women out there in the internet dating world are employing the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to guys also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Strange Ontario. The thing is, there really is not anything wrong with having an around average (or curvy) body so let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and recognize once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you want an excellent man who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship with you, after which you post photographs of yourself next to your bed (or in your bed, or in your bed, or in somebody else's bed). And if you're not posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you're posting photos with way too much cleavage. Stratford Backpage Escorts. Now, that is completely great - I don't have any difficulty at all with this, and I am certain many men don't have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women place said super-sexy glamor photos and then complain to their buddies, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and just need them for sex. And while we are on the subject of criticism-filled profiles...
Stop Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several guys noted how many women's online dating profiles are included primarily of criticisms about men - either their profiles, or their behavior in general. I agree with the men on this one. There's absolutely no point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes utilize a blog for that). So while I'm certain there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own choices. We can keep our positive expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite correct. Much too frequently some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking as well as a want to be nice and not seem ill-mannered, so we ignore the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and continue without caution. I once met a girl who expressed great dismay that she just couldn't trust the guys she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about any of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless prosperity and his links to powerful individuals all around the globe. She slept with him on the second date (after he promised to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could merely no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like whining about how she could simply no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I would like to ask all my middle-aged internet dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sexy, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my pals/mother/ex/children tell me that..I am a glass-half-complete optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just maybe, we can find some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I 'm aging out" of internet dating. Stratford Ontario backpage escorts. I have found after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the answer I get on has dropped to virtually nothing. It's as though proceeding from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some sort of death-knell for a dating life. I begin contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches that the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those men want, (generally 35-50) I frequently go past them, understanding I can't compete with women in their desired range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years older than me! In other words, intentionally sends me matches which are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I've emailed some of these guys, I never hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I am within their desirable range, I still don't get much of a reply. Backpage escorts near Stratford, Canada. I suppose the reason behind this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year-old version of me? If their first wife was their age, like a college sweetheart or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It is frustrating, as well as depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the builtin folly of online websites: you are merely defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to reassure me that I was a grab. And I still thing I should be - am tall, trim, seem young for 48, run my own successful company, understand the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic area (Alaska). As a result I'm quite busy so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women that have written back and no genuine dates. I decided women in my own date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Strathroy Ontario. Merely to check I wrote to rather mature women and less attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped virtually every woman. Tried all kinds of graphics. Nothing. while I speak to my female friends they say they're inundated. The sole dates I have had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and scarcely return my calls. At Meetups women seem interested but they don't respond. Just don't understand this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I 'm loath to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring permanently alienated good friends. Really out to sea on all of this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I am an elderly guy and most women on line in my age group make out they are not interested in the younger guys. But of course they're. It is merely that all the younger men approaching senior women are predominantly, looking for what they consider to be the fastest way to get easy sex. They simply show interest in guys their own age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the guys start to lose interest in them. it is insulting to me. And that's the reason why I am not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more choices regarding dating. Stratford, Ontario Backpage Escorts. However there are ways around this. First, a woman has to specifically state what she offers a man (that he desires) in the context of dating and relationships. I have read tens of thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and practically none of them actually state what they offer a man. Typically, it is a record of demands and choices. This really is not good advertising. A woman must be able to answer the question What do I offer a guy that he desires?" If she doesn't know, (or is offended by the question) she's not ready for dating.
Debby, you're discussing rot as far as I am concerned. I'm 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they do not even ask what I do for a job. Certainly the long term prospects are not great with a much younger girl. But in my experience a lot of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and attractive lol - Sorry, but as much as youwant to believe it's all about a cynical money grab, I must inform you we elderly men, like some older women bring the opposite sex. Unfortunately, many do not bring the opposite sex. nature is cruel.
I 've exactly the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Surely a guy can assemble much about a lady from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with responses from inferior matches that they become exasperated and start to set bounds; yet for me this language indicates an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and suggests maybe an assumption that she's the more desired one in the deal. Perhaps women are used to being pursued. A more sensible mature woman will recognize that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Clearly guys can often behave exactly the same style, only wanting sex. I consider the more profound truth is the fact that many folks just blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their poorly comprehended desires, understanding neither themselves or what they want from a connection.
The funny thing is both me and my current bf JUST dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this website, I also was just capable to date younger (my usual taste except for my present same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Stratford Ontario backpage escorts. Backpage Escorts near me Stratford. Shaved off quite a few years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (thin, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waistline til recently (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I endeavor youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I've had a clear edge. I guess I am one of the fortunate ones, but I think that it's a combo of my style, a form of God luminescence"/spiritualityand appears. Men have ever been brought to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and sometimes a difficulty honestly.
I have decided if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I'm very in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a shot. Dating after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the attempt imo. Maybe 'cause finally you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Stratford, Ontario Backpage Escorts. I don't know....Am okay with my isolation now. Crave it really (bf and I 've a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We're just apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to dwell together at some point in the future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand version circa 1965. Stratford Ontario Backpage Escorts.
There is plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over two years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of guys (baby boomers) here, that one is completely light and benign. I've read far more hateful invective on this site, couched in rhetoric calculated to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent declaration) men in my age group. The writers of the pot of hater-aide? Only the young thirty and forty something women fed up with the progress of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the large part, occasionally egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to think his generation invented notions like introspection, self awareness, and personal growth, along with pretty much everything else (see his self-serving, patronizing little discourse on old Boomer men" below). Backpage escorts in Stratford. Note how he follows up with this little gem, The age and photograph driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to polish, regardless of what they do." Obviously, the unspoken assertion is that Boomer men have no such issue, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who'll really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile perspective) by most of precisely the same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in virtually any woman younger than himself, and he is instantly labeled a creep, a pervert and also a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can not resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!