Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I assured everyone that this week I'd focus on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this particular post. Backpage Escorts nearby Lawtons Corners Ontario. The following list is my best effort at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with a few of my own observations predicated on a bit of research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland region, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Pictures. This was a tremendous criticism among the men I interviewed. They are looking at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photos, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the subject of pet photographs, I 've a private request of all you single, middle aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all pictures of your cats. This is so important. I can not stress it enough. Single, middle aged women already have to deal with far too many negative stereotypes, and also the cat photographs (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your bed) merely serve to augment them. I once composed a blog post about how dating occasionally made me feel unwanted , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America notifying me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so really, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photographs. I love Instagram pictures because lots of the filters make my eyes appear strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these pictures on my internet dating profile? No I do not. Backpage escorts nearby Lawtons Corners Ontario, Canada. Why? Because my eyes aren't really that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram pictures would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., deceptive) pictures. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you probably love them), but I do believe it is significant that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is the fact that way too many women out there in the online dating world are utilizing the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to men also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Lawrence Park Ontario. The thing is, there actually isn't anything wrong with having an about average (or curvy) body so let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and recognize once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (right, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you desire an excellent guy who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, after which you post pictures of yourself next to your bed (or in your bed, or in your bed, or in somebody else's bed). And if you aren't posting photographs of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you're posting photographs with way too much cleavage. Lawtons Corners backpage escorts. Now, that is totally wonderful - I don't have any problem at all with this, and I am sure many men do not have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women place said super-hot glamor shots and then whine to their buddies, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and only want them for sex. And while we are on the subject of criticism-filled profiles...
Discontinue Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several guys noticed how many women's online dating profiles are comprised chiefly of criticisms about men - either their profiles, or their behaviour in general. I agree with the men on this one. There is no point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes make use of a blog for that). So while I'm sure there are guys (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can keep our favorable expectations while at the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite right. Way too frequently some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking as well as a want to be fine and not appear ill-mannered, so we ignore the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a girl who expressed great depression that she simply could not trust the men she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about one of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless prosperity and his connections to powerful individuals all around the world. She slept with him on the second date (after he assured to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Complaining about how she could simply no longer trust men she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could only no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I would like to ask all my middle-aged internet dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sexy, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I hate talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my friends/mother/ex/children tell me that..I'm a glass-half-full optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just maybe, we can locate some common ground and get back to the business of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I 'm aging out" of online dating. Lawtons Corners, Ontario backpage escorts. I've discovered after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to nearly nothing. It's as though moving from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some sort of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches that the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those men want, (normally 35-50) I frequently move past them, understanding I can not compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years old than me! To put it differently, knowingly sends me matches that are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I've emailed a few of those guys, I never hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I'm within their desired range, I still don't get much of a response. Backpage Escorts near Lawtons Corners, Canada. I presume the reason for this is they can get younger women to react to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year-old version of me? If their first wife was their age, like a school love or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It is frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It is the builtin folly of on-line sites: you're just defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to reassure me that I was a catch. And I still matter I should be - am tall, clean-cut, seem young for 48, run my own successful firm, understand how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic area (Alaska). As a result I'm really active so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women who've written back and no real dates. I decided women in my local date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Leamington Ontario. Just to check I wrote to quite mature women and not as appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped nearly every woman. Attempted all types of graphics. Nothing. while I speak to my female friends they say they are inundated. The only dates I've had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they had been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and seldom return my calls. At Meetups women look interested however they do not respond. Just don't understand this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I am reluctant to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring forever alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I am an elderly man and many women on line in my age group make out they are not interested in the younger men. But of course they're. It's just that all the younger guys approaching elderly women are predominantly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest method to get easy sex. They only show interest in guys their particular age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the guys start to lose interest in them. it is insulting to me. And that's why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more alternatives regarding dating. Lawtons Corners, Ontario backpage escorts. But there are ways around this. First, a woman has to expressly state what she offers a guy (that he desires) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read tens of thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and virtually not one of them actually say what they offer a man. Normally, it is a list of demands and preferences. This is not good advertising. A woman must be able to answer the question What do I provide a man that he needs?" If she does not understand, (or is offended by the question) she's not ready for dating.
Debby, you are discussing rot as far as I am concerned. I'm 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they do not even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects aren't great with a considerably younger woman. But in my experience a great deal of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and handsome lol - Sorry, but as much as youwant to consider it's about a cynical cash grab, I need to tell you we mature men, like some mature women attract the opposite sex. Regrettably, a lot of people don't attract the opposite sex. nature is cruel.
I have the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a guy can assemble much about a female from reading her profile, and women in many cases are so inundated with answers from inferior matches they become exasperated and start to set bounds; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and indicates perhaps an assumption that she is the more desired one in the deal. Maybe women are accustomed to being pursued. A more thoughtful mature woman will comprehend that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Definitely guys can frequently act exactly the same style, merely wanting sex. I consider the deeper truth is that many people only blunder unconsciously into relationships, compelled by their poorly comprehended desires, knowing neither themselves or what they need from a connection.
The amusing thing is both me and my current bf JUST dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this particular website, I also was just able to date younger (my usual taste except for my present same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Lawtons Corners Ontario backpage escorts. Backpage escorts nearby Lawtons Corners. Shaved off quite several years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (slender, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til recently (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I project youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear advantage. I figure I am one of the fortunate ones, but I believe that it's a combo of my style, a kind of God luminescence"/spiritualityand seems. Men have ever been attracted to me in person. Big time. Sometimes it was flattering and occasionally a difficulty frankly.
I've decided if my bf and I break up (God PROHIBIT as I am really in love with him) I will not return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Dating after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the attempt imo. Perhaps 'cause eventually you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer guys. Lawtons Corners, Ontario Backpage Escorts. I don't know....Am alright with my solitude now. Crave it actually (bf and I 've a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We're just apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to dwell together sooner or later in the future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand version circa 1965. Lawtons Corners, Ontario backpage escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I discovered when I first came here over two years past; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is completely mild and benign. I've read far more hateful invective on this blog, couched in rhetoric calculated to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a regular assertion) guys in my age group. The authors of the pot of hater-aide? Only the young thirty and forty something women fed up with the improvements of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the most part, occasionally egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to think his generation devised theories like introspection, self-awareness, and personal growth, together with pretty much everything else (see his self-serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer guys" below). Backpage escorts near me Lawtons Corners. Note how he follows up with this little gem, The age and picture driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to polish, regardless of what they do." Of course, the unspoken declaration is that Boomer men have no such problem, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of the exact same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no more than 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in any woman younger than himself, and he is instantly labeled a creep, a pervert and also a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can not resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!