Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I Had focus on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this specific post. Backpage Escorts closest to Dunkerron Ontario. The following list is my best effort at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with some of my own observations predicated on a bit of research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you are a girl between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Photos. This was a tremendous complaint among the men I interviewed. They are taking a look at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet pictures, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we are on the subject of pet pictures, I got a private request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photographs of your cats. This really is so significant. I can not emphasize it enough. Single, middle aged women already have to manage far too many negative stereotypes, and also the cat photos (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats in your bed) only serve to bolster them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating occasionally made me feel unwanted , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America advising me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Pictures. I really like Instagram photographs because several of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about ten years off my face. But do I post these photographs on my internet dating profile? No I don't. Backpage Escorts near me Dunkerron Ontario Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not really that blue (or green or lavender), and I am about 10 years older than my Instagram pictures would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) photographs. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you probably love them), but I do think it is significant that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is the fact that far too many women out there in the internet dating world are employing the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to men as well, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Dundurn Ontario. The matter is, there actually isn't anything wrong with having an about typical (or curvy) body thus let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and recognize once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you want a quality man who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, and then you post photos of yourself next to your bed (or on your bed, or in your bed, or in someone else's bed). And if you're not posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you're posting photographs with far too much cleavage. Dunkerron backpage escorts. Now, that is totally great - I don't have any difficulty at all with this, and I am certain many guys don't have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women post said super-sexy glamor pictures and then complain to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and only want them for sex. And while we are on the topic of criticism-filled profiles...
Cease Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several guys noted how many women's online dating profiles are contained mostly of grievances about guys - either their profiles, or their conduct in general. I agree with the men on this one. There's absolutely no point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes utilize a website for that). So while I'm sure there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can keep our positive expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite appropriate. Far too often some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and also a want to be fine and not seem ill-mannered, so we discount the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a girl who expressed great sadness that she just could not trust the guys she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about any of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless wealth and his connections to powerful people all over the world. She slept with him on the second date (after he assured to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could only no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could just no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all my middle aged online dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sensuous, drama-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and all derivatives of "my friends/mom/ex-husband/children tell me that..I am a glass-half-complete optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just perhaps, we can find some common ground and get back to the business of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of internet dating. Dunkerron, Ontario backpage escorts. I have discovered after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the response I get on has dropped to nearly nothing. It is as though going from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some sort of death-knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches that the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those men want, (typically 35-50) I frequently move past them, knowing I can't compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years old than me! To put it differently, intentionally sends me matches that are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I've emailed some of those guys, I don't hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I am within their desired range, I still don't get much of a response. Backpage escorts near me Dunkerron, Canada. I assume the reason behind this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year-old version of me? If their first wife was their age, such as, for instance, a school love or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It's frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the builtin folly of on-line sites: you are simply defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to assure me that I was a catch. And I still matter I should be - am tall, clean-cut, look youthful for 48, run my own successful firm, understand how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I am quite busy so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women who've written back and no actual dates. I decided women in my own date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Dunnets Corner Ontario. Simply to check I wrote to rather older women and not as attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped virtually every woman. Attempted all sorts of images. Nothing. When I speak to my female friends they say they are inundated. The only dates I have had, 2, were from old pals who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and seldom return my calls. At Meetups women look interested however they don't answer. Just don't comprehend this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I am reluctant to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring permanently alienated good buddies. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I am an older man and most women on line in my age group make out they are not interested in the younger men. But of course they are. It's just that all the younger guys approaching elderly women are mainly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest way to get easy sex. They just reveal interest in guys their very own age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the guys start to lose interest in them. it is insulting to me. And that's the reason why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more options regarding dating. Dunkerron Ontario Backpage Escorts. But there are ways around this. First, a woman has to expressly say what she offers a guy (that he needs) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read a large number of female profiles (35-55 years old) and virtually none of them really state what they provide a guy. Usually, it is a record of demands and preferences. This really is not good advertising. A woman should have the ability to answer the question What do I provide a guy he needs?" If she does not understand, (or is offended by the question) she is not ready for dating.
Debby, you are discussing rot as far as I'm concerned. I'm 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they do not even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects are not great with a considerably younger woman. But in my experience a whole lot of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and fine lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to believe it's all about a cynical money grab, I need to inform you we elderly guys, like some old women entice the opposite sex. Unfortunately, lots of people do not attract the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I have the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Certainly a man can collect much about a woman from reading her profile, and women in many cases are so inundated with answers from poor matches that they become exasperated and begin to set borders; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and indicates perhaps an assumption that she's the more desired one in the deal. Maybe women are used to being pursued. A more thoughtful mature girl will comprehend that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Clearly men can often behave exactly the same style, only wanting sex. I consider the deeper truth is that many people only blunder unconsciously into relationships, compelled by their badly comprehended desires, understanding neither themselves or what they need from a connection.
The amusing thing is both me and my current bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this particular site, I also was only able to date younger (my usual preference except for my present same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Dunkerron Ontario Backpage Escorts. Backpage escorts near Dunkerron. Shaved off quite several years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (skinny, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I endeavor youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear advantage. I guess I'm one of the blessed ones, but I believe it's a combo of my personality, a sort of God glow"/spiritualityand looks. Men have always been brought to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and occasionally a difficulty frankly.
I have decided if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I am quite in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 ISN'T worth the attempt imo. Perhaps 'cause eventually you are stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Dunkerron Ontario backpage escorts. I don't know....Am acceptable with my isolation now. Crave it really (bf and I have a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We are just apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to dwell together at some point in the foreseeable future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variant circa 1965. Dunkerron, Ontario Backpage Escorts.
There is plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over two years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is entirely mild and benign. I have read a lot more hateful invective on this site, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent assertion) men in my age group. The writers of this pot of hater-aide? Just the youthful thirty and forty something women fed up with the progress of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the most part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to think his generation invented concepts like introspection, self awareness, and personal advancement, along with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discourse on old Boomer men" below). Backpage Escorts nearest Dunkerron. Notice how he follows up with this little gem, The age and photograph driven nature of online dating makes it more difficult for Boomer women to polish, regardless of what they do." Of course, the unspoken assertion is that Boomer men have no such difficulty, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who'll really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile perspective) by most of the same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no more than 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a guy express interest in virtually any girl younger than himself, and he's instantly labeled a creep, a pervert along with a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!