Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I Had focus on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am far more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this post. Backpage Escorts in Algonquin Island Ontario. This list is my best attempt at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with a few of my own observations based on a bit of research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you are a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Manner too Many Pet Pictures. This was a huge complaint among the guys I interviewed. They are looking at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photographs, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the subject of pet photos, I 've a private request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photos of your cats. This really is so important. I can not emphasize it enough. Single, middle-aged women already have to deal with far too many negative stereotypes, along with the cat photographs (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your own bed) only function to fortify them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating occasionally made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America advising me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so really, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photos. I love Instagram photos because lots of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about ten years off my face. But do I post these photographs on my online dating profile? No I don't. Backpage Escorts closest to Algonquin Island Ontario Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I am about 10 years older than my Instagram photos would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) photos. Truth in advertising women, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you almost certainly love them), but I do believe it is important that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is the fact that far too many women out there in the internet dating world are utilizing the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to men also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Alfred Ontario. The matter is, there really isn't anything wrong with having an around average (or curvy) body so let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and understand once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you desire a good guy who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship with you, and then you post pictures of yourself next to your bed (or on your bed, or in your bed, or in somebody else's bed). And if you're not posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you're posting photos with way too much cleavage. Algonquin Island backpage escorts. Now, that's absolutely excellent - I don't have any problem at all with this, and I'm certain many men do not have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women post said super-sexy glamor shots and then whine to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and only need them for sex. And while we're on the topic of complaint-filled profiles...
Discontinue Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several guys noted how many women's online dating profiles are included mostly of grievances about men - either their profiles, or their conduct in general. I agree with the men on this one. There's no point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes make use of a site for that). So while I am sure there are guys (and women) out there who are logged on and behaving badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can keep our positive expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something is not quite correct. Way too frequently some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and a want to be pleasant and not appear rude, so we ignore the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great dismay that she just couldn't trust the guys she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about one of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless abundance and his connections to powerful individuals all around the globe. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he assured to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could merely no longer trust men she met online was a bit like whining about how she could merely no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I would like to ask all my middle aged internet dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, lusty, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my buddies/mother/ex-husband/children tell me that..I am a glass-half-complete optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just maybe, we can find some common ground and get back to the business of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of internet dating. Algonquin Island Ontario backpage escorts. I've noticed after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the answer I get on has dropped to virtually nothing. It is as though going from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some sort of death-knell for a dating life. I begin contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look in the age-range that those men want, (generally 35-50) I regularly go past them, knowing I can't compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years older than me! To put it differently, knowingly sends me matches which are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I've emailed a number of those guys, I never hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I'm within their desired range, I still do not get much of a reply. Backpage Escorts nearest Algonquin Island Canada. I presume the reason behind this is they can get younger women to react to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year-old version of me? If their first wife was their age, such as, for instance, a college sweetheart or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture supports this. It is frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the built in folly of online sites: you are just defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to reassure me that I was a grab. And I still matter I should be - am tall, clean-cut, seem young for 48, run my own successful company, know just how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I am really active so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women that have written back and no real dates. I picked women in my own date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Algonquin Park Ontario. Merely to check I wrote to rather mature women and less appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped practically every girl. Tried all kinds of graphics. Nothing. When I talk to my female friends they say they are inundated. The only dates I've had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and rarely return my calls. At Meetups women look interested but they don't answer. Simply do not comprehend this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I am unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring forever alienated good friends. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I am an old man and many women on line in my age group make out they are not interested in the younger men. But of course they're. It is only that all the younger guys approaching mature women are mainly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest method to get easy sex. They only reveal interest in guys their own age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that is why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more alternatives regarding dating. Algonquin Island, Ontario backpage escorts. However there are ways around this. First, a girl has to specifically state what she offers a guy (that he desires) in the context of dating and relationships. I have read tens of thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and almost none of them actually say what they offer a man. Typically, itis a listing of demands and choices. This really is not great marketing. A woman must be able to answer the question What do I provide a guy he desires?" If she doesn't understand, (or is offended by the question) she's not prepared for dating.
Debby, you're speaking rot as far as I am concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Certainly the long term prospects are not good with a much younger woman. But in my experience a whole lot of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and attractive lol - Sorry, but as much as youwant to believe it's about a cynical cash grab, I need to inform you we older guys, like some mature women entice the opposite sex. Regrettably, lots of people don't entice the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I have exactly the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a guy can assemble much about a girl from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with responses from poor matches that they become exasperated and begin to establish bounds; yet for me this language indicates an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and indicates perhaps an assumption that she's the more desirable one in the deal. Perhaps women are used to being pursued. A more thoughtful mature girl will recognize that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Certainly guys can frequently act the same manner, only wanting sex. I believe the more profound truth is the fact that most people just blunder unconsciously into relationships, compelled by their ill comprehended desires, understanding neither themselves or what they want from a connection.
The funny thing is both me and my current bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've stated numerous times on this particular blog, I also was only competent to date younger (my usual taste except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Algonquin Island, Ontario backpage escorts. Backpage escorts closest to Algonquin Island. Shaved off quite a few years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (slim, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I endeavor youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I've had a clear edge. I figure I am one of the blessed ones, but I think it is a combo of my style, a type of God glow"/spiritualityand seems. Men have ever been attracted to me in person. Big time. Sometimes it was flattering and sometimes a difficulty honestly.
I've determined if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I'm really in love with him) I will not return to online dating but will give celibacy a shot. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 ISN'T worth the effort imo. Perhaps 'cause eventually you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer guys. Algonquin Island, Ontario backpage escorts. I do not know....Am fine with my isolation now. Crave it really (bf and I have a long distance relationship but only 72 miles). We're only apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to live together at some point later on. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variant circa 1965. Algonquin Island, Ontario backpage escorts.
There is plenty more here, as I discovered when I first came here over a couple of years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is entirely mild and benign. I've read far more hateful invective on this website, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a regular assertion) guys in my age group. The authors of this kettle of hater-aide? Just the youthful thirty and forty something women fed up with the progress of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the most part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who seems to believe his generation devised theories like introspection, self-awareness, and personal advancement, together with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer men" below). Backpage escorts near Algonquin Island. Note how he follows up with this little gem, The age and photo driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to polish, regardless of what they do." Naturally, the unspoken declaration is that Boomer men have no such difficulty, and when they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who'll really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of the exact same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no more than 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a guy express interest in virtually any woman younger than himself, and he's promptly labeled a creep, a pervert along with a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can not resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!