Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I Had concentrate on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am far more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this particular post. Backpage Escorts in Shelburne, Nova Scotia. This list is my best attempt at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with some of my own observations based on a little research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you are a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland region, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Manner too Many Pet Photographs. This was a huge complaint among the guys I interviewed. They're taking a look at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet pictures, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we are on the topic of pet pictures, I got a private request of all you single, middle aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all pictures of your cats. This is so significant. I can't stress it enough. Single, middle aged women already must manage much too many negative stereotypes, along with the cat pictures (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your own bed) only serve to reinforce them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating occasionally made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America informing me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Pictures. I really like Instagram photographs because many of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about ten years off my face. But do I post these pictures on my online dating profile? No I do not. Backpage Escorts near me Shelburne Nova Scotia, Canada. Why? Because my eyes aren't actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photos would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) pictures. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in advertising.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you almost certainly love them), but I do think it's significant that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is that far too many women out there in the online dating world are employing the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to guys also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Sheet Harbour Nova Scotia. The thing is, there actually is not anything wrong with having an about average (or curvy) body so let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and recognize once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you desire an excellent guy who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship with you, and then you post pictures of yourself next to your bed (or on your own bed, or in your bed, or in somebody else's bed). And if you aren't posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you're posting photographs with way too much cleavage. Shelburne backpage escorts. Now, that is totally fine - I don't have any difficulty at all with this, and I'm certain many men don't have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women post said super-sexy glamor shots and then whine to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and only need them for sex. And while we're on the topic of complaint-filled profiles...
Cease Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several men noted how many women's online dating profiles are included chiefly of grievances about guys - either their profiles, or their behavior in general. I agree with the men on this one. There's no point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes utilize a website for that). So while I'm certain there are guys (and women) out there who are logged on and behaving badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own choices. We can keep our positive expectations while at the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something is not quite appropriate. Far too often some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and a desire to be nice and not seem ill-mannered, so we ignore the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great depression that she just could not trust the men she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about one of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless wealth and his links to powerful individuals all over the world. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he assured to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could merely no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like whining about how she could just no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I would like to ask all of my middle-aged internet dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sexy, drama-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my friends/mother/ex/children tell me that..I am a glass-half-full optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just maybe, we can locate some common ground and get back to the business of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I 'm aging out" of internet dating. Shelburne Nova Scotia Backpage Escorts. I've found after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to nearly nothing. It's as though going from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some sort of death knell for a dating life. I begin contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those guys want, (normally 35-50) I often go past them, knowing I can't compete with women in their desired range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years old than me! In other words, intentionally sends me matches which are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I have emailed a number of those guys, I never hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I'm within their desired range, I still don't get much of a reply. Backpage escorts nearest Shelburne Canada. I presume the reason for this is they can get younger women to react to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year old model of me? If their first wife was their age, such as, for instance, a school honey or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It is frustrating, as well as depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the builtin folly of on-line sites: you are simply defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to reassure me that I was a catch. And I still thing I should be - am tall, clean-cut, seem young for 48, run my own successful company, understand just how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic location (Alaska). As a result I'm quite busy so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women that have written back and no genuine dates. I decided women in my local date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Sherbrooke Nova Scotia. Simply to check I wrote to fairly elderly women and not as attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped virtually every girl. Attempted all types of pictures. Nothing. When I talk to my female friends they say they're inundated. The only dates I've had, 2, were from old pals who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and seldom return my calls. At Meetups women look interested but they do not respond. Simply do not recognize this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I 'm reluctant to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring permanently alienated good friends. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I am an old man and most women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger guys. But of course they are. It's merely that all the younger guys approaching older women are mainly, looking for what they consider to be the fastest way to get easy sex. They only show interest in guys their very own age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that's why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more alternatives regarding dating. Shelburne Nova Scotia backpage escorts. But there are ways around this. First, a woman has to specifically say what she offers a man (that he needs) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and practically not one of them actually say what they provide a guy. Normally, itis a list of demands and preferences. This is not great advertising. A lady must be able to answer the question What do I offer a guy that he wants?" If she does not understand, (or is offended by the question) she is not ready for dating.
Debby, you are talking rot as far as I am concerned. I'm 62 and let me tell you, I've had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Certainly the long term prospects are not good with a considerably younger girl. But in my experience a great deal of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and fine lol - Sorry, but as much as youwant to consider it's about a cynical cash grab, I have to tell you we older guys, like some mature women entice the opposite sex. Sadly, many do not bring the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I have exactly the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a man can collect much about a girl from reading her profile, and women in many cases are so inundated with answers from poor matches they become exasperated and start to establish borders; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self absorption, and indicates maybe an assumption that she is the more desired one in the deal. Maybe women are accustomed to being pursued. A more thoughtful mature girl will recognize that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Definitely guys can frequently behave exactly the same manner, only wanting sex. I consider the more profound truth is the fact that most folks merely blunder unconsciously into relationships, compelled by their ill understood desires, knowing neither themselves or what they need from a relationship.
The amusing thing is both me and my current bf JUST dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this website, I also was only capable to date younger (my usual taste except for my present same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Shelburne Nova Scotia backpage escorts. Backpage escorts closest to Shelburne. Shaved off quite a few years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (slim, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I endeavor youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I've had a clear advantage. I imagine I'm one of the blessed ones, but I believe that it's a combo of my character, a sort of God luminescence"/spiritualityand appears. Men have ever been attracted to me in person. Big time. Sometimes it was flattering and occasionally a difficulty honestly.
I've determined if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I'm really in love with him) I will not return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the effort imo. Maybe 'cause finally you are stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer guys. Shelburne Nova Scotia backpage escorts. I don't know....Am alright with my isolation now. Crave it really (bf and I have a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We're merely apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to live together at some point later on. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand version circa 1965. Shelburne Nova Scotia backpage escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over a couple of years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is absolutely light and benign. I have read far more hateful invective on this site, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent assertion) guys in my age group. The authors of this pot of hater-aide? Just the youthful thirty and forty something women fed up with the progress of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the large part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who seems to believe his generation invented notions like introspection, self awareness, and personal growth, together with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer men" below). Backpage escorts nearby Shelburne. Notice how he follows up with this little gem, The age and photograph driven nature of online dating makes it more difficult for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Obviously, the unspoken declaration is the fact that Boomer men have no such issue, and when they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will actually date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of precisely the same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a guy express interest in any woman younger than himself, and he is immediately labeled a creep, a pervert along with a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can not resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!