Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I'd concentrate on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am much more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this particular post. Backpage Escorts in Mackinnons Brook, Nova Scotia. The following list is my best effort at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with a few of my own observations based on a bit of research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Photographs. This was a tremendous criticism among the guys I interviewed. They're taking a look at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photos, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the subject of pet photographs, I got a personal request of all you single, middle aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all pictures of your cats. This is really significant. I can not stress it enough. Single, middle aged women already need to handle much too many negative stereotypes, along with the cat photographs (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your bed) just function to bolster them. I once composed a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel unwanted , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America advising me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Pictures. I really like Instagram pictures because several of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about ten years off my face. But do I post these pictures on my online dating profile? No I don't. Backpage Escorts near me Mackinnons Brook Nova Scotia, Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram pictures would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) photographs. Truth in advertising women, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you most likely love them), but I do believe it is significant that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is the fact that far too many women out there in the online dating world are employing the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to men as well, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Mackays Corner Nova Scotia. The matter is, there actually is not anything wrong with having an about typical (or curvy) body thus let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and understand once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (right, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you want an excellent man who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, and then you post photos of yourself next to your bed (or on your own bed, or in your bed, or in another person 's bed). And if you're not posting photographs of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you're posting photographs with way too much cleavage. Mackinnons Brook Backpage Escorts. Now, that is absolutely wonderful - I have no problem at all with this, and I am certain many guys don't have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women place said super-hot glamor photos and then whine to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and only want them for sex. And while we're on the subject of complaint-filled profiles...
Discontinue Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several men noticed how many women's online dating profiles are contained chiefly of complaints about guys - either their profiles, or their behavior in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There isn't any point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes utilize a site for that). So while I'm certain there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and behaving badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own choices. We can keep our positive expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite correct. Far too frequently some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and also a desire to be fine and not seem ill-mannered, so we ignore the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great depression that she simply could not trust the guys she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about any of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless prosperity and his connections to powerful individuals all around the globe. She slept with him on the second date (after he promised to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Complaining about how she could just no longer trust men she met online was a bit like whining about how she could simply no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I would like to ask all of my middle aged internet dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, lusty, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my friends/mom/ex/kids tell me that..I'm a glass-half-complete optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just perhaps, we can find some common ground and get back to the business of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I 'm aging out" of internet dating. Mackinnons Brook Nova Scotia Backpage Escorts. I've seen after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the answer I get on has dropped to virtually nothing. It is as though moving from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some sort of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches that the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those men desire, (typically 35-50) I frequently go past them, understanding I can not compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years old than me! To put it differently, intentionally sends me matches which are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I've emailed some of these guys, I don't hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I am within their desired range, I still don't get much of a response. Backpage Escorts near me Mackinnons Brook, Canada. I presume the reason for this is they can get younger women to react to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year-old model of me? If their first wife was their age, like a college honey or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture supports this. It's frustrating, as well as depressing and more than a little humiliating. It is the built in folly of on-line sites: you're simply defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to assure me that I was a catch. And I still matter I should be - am tall, trim, look young for 48, run my own successful company, understand the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I'm quite busy so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women that have written back and no genuine dates. I decided women in my own date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Macleod Settlement Nova Scotia. Simply to check I wrote to fairly elderly women and not as appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped virtually every girl. Attempted all kinds of pictures. Nothing. When I speak to my female friends they say they're inundated. The sole dates I have had, 2, were from old friends who both told me they had been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and scarcely return my calls. At Meetups women look interested but they do not respond. Just do not understand this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I am reluctant to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring forever alienated good buddies. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I'm an older guy and many women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger guys. But of course they are. It is just that all the younger guys approaching older women are predominantly, looking for what they consider to be the fastest method to get easy sex. They just show interest in men their own age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the men begin to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that is the reason why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more options regarding dating. Mackinnons Brook, Nova Scotia Backpage Escorts. But there are certain ways around this. First, a woman has to specifically say what she offers a man (that he desires) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read a large number of female profiles (35-55 years old) and almost none of them actually say what they provide a man. Generally, it's a listing of demands and choices. This is not great advertising. A woman must be able to answer the question What do I provide a guy that he needs?" If she doesn't understand, (or is offended by the question) she is not prepared for dating.
Debby, you're speaking rot as far as I am concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects are not great with a much younger girl. But in my experience a great deal of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and fine lol - Sorry, but as much as youwant to consider it's all about a cynical cash grab, I have to inform you we older guys, like some older women entice the opposite sex. Sadly, many people don't attract the opposite sex. nature is cruel.
I 've exactly the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Surely a guy can assemble much about a woman from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with replies from poor matches that they become exasperated and start to establish borders; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and suggests maybe an assumption that she's the more desirable one in the deal. Maybe women are used to being pursued. A more considerate mature woman will comprehend that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Certainly guys can often behave the same manner, only wanting sex. I consider the more profound truth is that most people simply blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their poorly comprehended desires, knowing neither themselves or what they want from a relationship.
The amusing thing is both me and my present bf JUST dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've stated numerous times on this site, I also was only competent to date younger (my usual preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Mackinnons Brook, Nova Scotia Backpage Escorts. Backpage Escorts in Mackinnons Brook. Shaved off quite a number of years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (slender, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waistline til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I project youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear edge. I suppose I'm one of the blessed ones, but I believe that it's a combo of my character, a form of God glow"/spiritualityand looks. Men have always been attracted to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and occasionally a difficulty frankly.
I've decided if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I am really in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a shot. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 ISN'T worth the attempt imo. Maybe 'cause eventually you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Mackinnons Brook, Nova Scotia Backpage Escorts. I don't know....Am alright with my isolation now. Crave it actually (bf and I 've a long distance relationship but only 72 miles). We are only apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to dwell together at some point later on. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand version circa 1965. Mackinnons Brook, Nova Scotia Backpage Escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I discovered when I first came here over a couple of years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of guys (baby boomers) here, that one is completely light and benign. I have read far more hateful invective on this blog, couched in rhetoric calculated to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a regular affirmation) men in my age group. The authors of the kettle of hater-aide? Just the young thirty and forty-something women fed up with the improvements of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the large part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to believe his generation invented concepts like introspection, self-awareness, and personal growth, together with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discourse on old Boomer men" below). Backpage Escorts near Mackinnons Brook. Note how he follows up with this little gem, The age and photo driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Obviously, the unspoken assertion is that Boomer guys have no such problem, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile perspective) by most of the exact same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no more than 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a guy express interest in any woman younger than himself, and he's promptly labeled a creep, a pervert and also a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!