Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I Had concentrate on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm much more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this post. Backpage escorts near me Saint Fintans Newfoundland And Labrador. The following list is my best effort at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with a few of my own observations predicated on a little research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you're a girl between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Manner too Many Pet Photographs. This was a huge criticism among the men I interviewed. They are looking at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photos, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the topic of pet photographs, I got a private request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photographs of your cats. This is so important. I can't emphasize it enough. Single, middle-aged women already need to manage way too many negative stereotypes, and also the cat pictures (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your own bed) only serve to reinforce them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel unwanted , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America advising me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photographs. I love Instagram pictures because several of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about ten years off my face. But do I post these photos on my online dating profile? No I do not. Backpage Escorts near Saint Fintans Newfoundland And Labrador, Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not really that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photos would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) pictures. Truth in advertising women, truth in advertising.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you probably love them), but I do believe it is important that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is the fact that way too many women out there in the online dating world are using the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to guys also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Russell Newfoundland And Labrador. The thing is, there really isn't anything wrong with having an about average (or curvy) body thus let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and recognize once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (right, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you desire a good guy who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship with you, and then you post photos of yourself next to your bed (or on your own bed, or in your bed, or in another person 's bed). And if you're not posting photographs of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photographs with far too much cleavage. Saint Fintans backpage escorts. Now, that is absolutely excellent - I have no problem at all with this, and I'm certain many men don't have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women place said super-hot glamour photos and then complain to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and just need them for sex. And while we're on the topic of criticism-filled profiles...
Quit Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several guys noticed how many women's online dating profiles are contained mainly of complaints about men - either their profiles, or their behaviour in general. I agree with the men on this one. There's absolutely no point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes utilize a site for that). So while I am sure there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and behaving badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own picks. We can keep our positive expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something is not quite appropriate. Much too frequently some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and a want to be fine and not seem rude, so we ignore the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great depression that she simply could not trust the guys she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about any of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless abundance and his links to powerful people all around the globe. She slept with him on the second date (after he assured to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could simply no longer trust men she met online was a bit like whining about how she could just no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I would like to ask all my middleaged internet dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sexy, drama-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I hate talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my buddies/mother/ex/children tell me that..I'm a glass-half-complete optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just maybe, we can find some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I 'm aging out" of online dating. Saint Fintans Newfoundland And Labrador Backpage Escorts. I have seen after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the response I get on has dropped to nearly nothing. It is as though going from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some form of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look in the age-range that those guys desire, (generally 35-50) I frequently go past them, knowing I can not compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years older than me! To put it differently, intentionally sends me matches that are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I've emailed some of these guys, I never hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I'm within their desirable range, I still don't get much of a reply. Backpage escorts closest to Saint Fintans, Canada. I assume the reason behind this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year-old model of me? If their first wife was their age, such as, for instance, a school love or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture supports this. It is frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It is the builtin folly of online sites: you're only defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to assure me that I was a grab. And I still matter I should be - am tall, clean-cut, look youthful for 48, run my own successful company, know how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic location (Alaska). As a result I'm really active so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women who have written back and no genuine dates. I picked women in my own date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Sallys Cove Newfoundland And Labrador. Just to check I wrote to fairly old women and less appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped virtually every woman. Tried all sorts of pictures. Nothing. When I speak to my female friends they say they are inundated. The only dates I have had, 2, were from old pals who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and scarcely return my calls. At Meetups women look interested but they don't answer. Simply do not comprehend this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I am unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring permanently alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I am an old guy and many women on line in my age group make out they are not interested in the younger men. But of course they're. It is merely that all the younger men approaching old women are mostly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest method to get easy sex. They just show interest in guys their very own age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. it is insulting to me. And that is the reason why I am not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more alternatives regarding dating. Saint Fintans, Newfoundland And Labrador backpage escorts. However there are ways around this. First, a girl has to expressly say what she offers a man (that he needs) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read a large number of female profiles (35-55 years old) and almost not one of them actually state what they provide a guy. Typically, it's a listing of demands and preferences. This is not good marketing. A woman should be able to answer the question What do I provide a guy he wants?" If she doesn't understand, (or is offended by the question) she is not prepared for dating.
Debby, you are talking rot as far as I am concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I've had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects are not good with a much younger woman. But in my experience a lot of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and fine lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to believe it is about a cynical cash grab, I must tell you we older guys, like some old women attract the opposite sex. Sadly, many don't attract the opposite sex. nature is cruel.
I have the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a guy can gather much about a girl from reading her profile, and women in many cases are so inundated with replies from poor matches they become exasperated and start to set bounds; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self absorption, and suggests perhaps an assumption that she is the more desirable one in the deal. Maybe women are accustomed to being pursued. A more considerate mature girl will comprehend that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Certainly men can frequently behave exactly the same manner, merely wanting sex. I believe the deeper truth is that many people simply blunder unconsciously into relationships, compelled by their poorly comprehended desires, understanding neither themselves or what they need from a relationship.
The amusing thing is both me and my current bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've stated numerous times on this blog, I also was only competent to date younger (my usual preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Saint Fintans Newfoundland And Labrador backpage escorts. Backpage escorts in Saint Fintans. Shaved off quite a number of years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (lean, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waistline til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I endeavor youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear advantage. I figure I am one of the fortunate ones, but I think it's a combo of my style, a sort of God glow"/spiritualityand appears. Men have always been attracted to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and occasionally a difficulty frankly.
I've determined if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I'm very in love with him) I will not return to online dating but will give celibacy a shot. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 ISN'T worth the effort imo. Perhaps 'cause eventually you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer guys. Saint Fintans Newfoundland And Labrador Backpage Escorts. I don't know....Am fine with my solitude now. Crave it actually (bf and I have a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We are merely apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to dwell together at some point in the future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variation circa 1965. Saint Fintans, Newfoundland And Labrador Backpage Escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I discovered when I first came here over two years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of guys (baby boomers) here, that one is absolutely mild and benign. I have read a lot more hateful invective on this particular website, couched in rhetoric calculated to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a regular assertion) men in my age group. The writers of this kettle of hater-aide? Just the young thirty and forty-something women fed up with the advances of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the most part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who seems to think his generation invented notions like introspection, self awareness, and personal growth, together with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer men" below). Backpage Escorts nearest Saint Fintans. Notice how he follows up with this little jewel, The age and picture driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to polish, regardless of what they do." Of course, the unspoken declaration is the fact that Boomer men have no such difficulty, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile perspective) by most of precisely the same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in any girl younger than himself, and he's promptly labeled a creep, a pervert and a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can not resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!