Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I Had concentrate on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am much more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this specific post. Backpage escorts in Lanse-Au-Loup Newfoundland And Labrador. The following list is my best effort at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with some of my own observations predicated on a bit of research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you're a girl between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Manner too Many Pet Pictures. This was a huge gripe among the men I interviewed. They are looking at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet pictures, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we are on the topic of pet photographs, I have a personal request of all you single, middle aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photographs of your cats. This is so important. I can not stress it enough. Single, middle aged women already have to manage way too many negative stereotypes, and also the cat photographs (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your bed) only serve to bolster them. I once composed a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America informing me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photos. I love Instagram photographs because several of the filters make my eyes seem strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photos on my online dating profile? No I do not. Backpage escorts closest to Lanse-Au-Loup Newfoundland And Labrador, Canada. Why? Because my eyes aren't really that blue (or green or lavender), and I am about 10 years older than my Instagram photos would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., deceptive) photos. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in advertising.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you probably adore them), but I do think it's significant that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is that far too many women out there in the online dating world are employing the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to men as well, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Lanse-Au-Clair Newfoundland And Labrador. The thing is, there really is not anything wrong with having an about typical (or curvy) body thus let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and understand once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (appropriate, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you want a quality guy who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, then you post photographs of yourself next to your bed (or on your bed, or in your bed, or in another person 's bed). And if you're not posting photographs of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you're posting photos with far too much cleavage. Lanse-Au-Loup Backpage Escorts. Now, that's completely excellent - I have no trouble at all with this, and I'm certain many men do not have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women post said super-sexy glamor photos and then complain to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and only want them for sex. And while we're on the subject of complaint-filled profiles...
Quit Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several guys noticed how many women's online dating profiles are included mostly of complaints about guys - either their profiles, or their behaviour in general. I agree with the men on this one. There isn't any point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes make use of a website for that). So while I am sure there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own choices. We can keep our favorable expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite right. Much too frequently some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking as well as a desire to be nice and not seem ill-mannered, so we discount the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and continue without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great sadness that she just couldn't trust the guys she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about one of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless wealth and his connections to powerful people all around the world. She slept with him on the second date (after he promised to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could simply no longer trust men she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could just no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all of my middle aged internet dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sexy, drama-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my friends/mom/ex/kids tell me that..I'm a glass-half-complete optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just perhaps, we can locate some common ground and get back to the company of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of internet dating. Lanse-Au-Loup Newfoundland And Labrador Backpage Escorts. I have seen after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the response I get on has dropped to nearly nothing. It is as though going from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some kind of death knell for a dating life. I begin contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches that the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those guys desire, (typically 35-50) I frequently move past them, understanding I can't compete with women in their desired range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years old than me! In other words, intentionally sends me matches which are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I've emailed a number of these guys, I don't hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I'm within their desirable range, I still don't get much of a response. Backpage Escorts near me Lanse-Au-Loup Canada. I presume the reason for this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year old model of me? If their first wife was their age, like a college sweetheart or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It's frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It is the built in folly of online sites: you are simply defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to reassure me that I was a grab. And I still matter I should be - am tall, trim, look young for 48, run my own successful company, understand the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I'm really active so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women who have written back and no real dates. I decided women in my own date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Lark Harbour Newfoundland And Labrador. Simply to check I wrote to fairly mature women and less attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped virtually every girl. Tried all types of graphics. Nothing. When I speak to my female friends they say they are inundated. The only dates I have had, 2, were from old pals who both told me they had been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and scarcely return my calls. At Meetups women seem interested however they do not respond. Simply don't realize this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I am reluctant to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring forever alienated good buddies. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I'm an old man and most women on line in my age group make out they are not interested in the younger guys. But of course they are. It's merely that all the younger men approaching old women are mostly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest way to get easy sex. They just reveal interest in men their particular age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that is why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more alternatives regarding dating. Lanse-Au-Loup, Newfoundland And Labrador backpage escorts. But there are ways around this. First, a girl has to specifically state what she offers a man (that he desires) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read tens of thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and almost not one of them really say what they provide a guy. Usually, itis a record of demands and choices. This is not great advertising. A woman should be able to answer the question What do I offer a man he needs?" If she doesn't know, (or is offended by the question) she's not prepared for dating.
Debby, you are speaking rot as far as I'm concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects aren't great with a much younger girl. But in my experience a whole lot of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and fine lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to believe it is about a cynical money grab, I have to tell you we mature men, like some elderly women attract the opposite sex. Sadly, lots of people do not attract the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I have exactly the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a guy can collect much about a female from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with answers from inferior matches that they become exasperated and begin to establish bounds; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self absorption, and suggests perhaps an assumption that she's the more desirable one in the deal. Perhaps women are used to being pursued. A more sensible mature woman will understand that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Definitely guys can frequently act the same style, just wanting sex. I consider the deeper truth is that many people merely blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their ill comprehended desires, knowing neither themselves or what they want from a relationship.
The amusing thing is both me and my current bf JUST dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this website, I also was only capable to date younger (my normal preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Lanse-Au-Loup Newfoundland And Labrador Backpage Escorts. Backpage escorts closest to Lanse-Au-Loup. Shaved off quite a few years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (thin, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I job youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I've had a clear advantage. I suppose I am one of the blessed ones, but I believe it is a combo of my personality, a form of God glow"/spiritualityand looks. Men have always been brought to me in person. Big time. Sometimes it was flattering and occasionally a issue honestly.
I've determined if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I'm really in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Dating after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the effort imo. Maybe 'cause eventually you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer guys. Lanse-Au-Loup, Newfoundland And Labrador Backpage Escorts. I do not know....Am okay with my isolation now. Crave it really (bf and I have a long distance relationship but only 72 miles). We are just apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to live together at some point later on. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variation circa 1965. Lanse-Au-Loup Newfoundland And Labrador backpage escorts.
There is plenty more here, as I discovered when I first came here over two years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is certainly light and benign. I've read far more hateful invective on this site, couched in rhetoric calculated to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent declaration) men in my age group. The authors of the kettle of hater-aide? Just the young thirty and forty something women fed up with the improvements of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the most part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to believe his generation devised notions like introspection, self awareness, and personal growth, together with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer guys" below). Backpage escorts in Lanse-Au-Loup. Note how he follows up with this small jewel, The age and photograph driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Obviously, the unspoken assertion is that Boomer men have no such issue, and when they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of the same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in virtually any woman younger than himself, and he's immediately labeled a creep, a pervert along with a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!