Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I'd focus on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am far more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this specific post. Backpage escorts in Roblaytin Manitoba. This list is my best attempt at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with a few of my own observations based on a bit of research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you're a girl between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Photographs. This was a huge criticism among the men I interviewed. They're taking a look at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photos, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we are on the topic of pet photographs, I got a personal request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all pictures of your cats. This really is really significant. I can not emphasize it enough. Single, middle aged women already need to cope with far too many negative stereotypes, and the cat pictures (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your bed) merely function to augment them. I once composed a blog post about how dating occasionally made me feel unwelcome , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America notifying me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Pictures. I really like Instagram pictures because several of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these pictures on my online dating profile? No I don't. Backpage escorts nearby Roblaytin Manitoba, Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photos would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) photographs. Truth in advertising women, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you most likely adore them), but I do think it's significant that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is that way too many women out there in the internet dating world are employing the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to men also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Riverton Manitoba. The matter is, there actually is not anything wrong with having an about average (or curvy) body so let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and comprehend once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you want an excellent guy who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, and then you post pictures of yourself next to your bed (or on your bed, or in your bed, or in another person 's bed). And if you're not posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photographs with way too much cleavage. Roblaytin Backpage Escorts. Now, that is totally excellent - I don't have any issue at all with this, and I'm sure many men don't have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women post said super-hot glamor pictures and then complain to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and only want them for sex. And while we're on the topic of complaint-filled profiles...
Cease Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several guys noted how many women's online dating profiles are included chiefly of complaints about men - either their profiles, or their behaviour in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There is absolutely no point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes utilize a site for that). So while I'm sure there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can keep our favorable expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite appropriate. Far too often some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and also a want to be nice and not seem impolite, so we ignore the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great dismay that she just couldn't trust the men she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about any of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless abundance and his connections to powerful people all over the world. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he promised to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Complaining about how she could just no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like whining about how she could only no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I would like to ask all of my middleaged internet dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sensuous, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my buddies/mom/ex/kids tell me that..I'm a glass-half-total optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just perhaps, we can locate some common ground and get back to the company of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of online dating. Roblaytin Manitoba Backpage Escorts. I've discovered after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the answer I get on has dropped to almost nothing. It is as though going from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some kind of death-knell for a dating life. I begin contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look in the age-range that those guys desire, (generally 35-50) I often go past them, understanding I can not compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years older than me! To put it differently, intentionally sends me matches which are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I've emailed a number of those guys, I don't hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I'm within their desired range, I still don't get much of a reply. Backpage escorts nearby Roblaytin, Canada. I assume the reason behind this is they can get younger women to react to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year old model of me? If their first wife was their age, such as, for instance, a college honey or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It's frustrating, as well as depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the builtin folly of on-line sites: you're merely defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to assure me that I was a grab. And I still thing I should be - am tall, trim, look young for 48, run my own successful firm, know the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic area (Alaska). As a result I am quite active so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women who have written back and no actual dates. I picked women in my own date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Roblin Manitoba. Merely to check I wrote to rather older women and less attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped almost every girl. Attempted all kinds of pictures. Nothing. When I speak to my female friends they say they are inundated. The only dates I've had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they had been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and infrequently return my calls. At Meetups women appear interested however they do not respond. Just don't understand this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I am loath to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring permanently alienated good friends. Really out to sea on all of this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I'm an elderly man and many women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger men. But of course they're. It is merely that all the younger guys approaching mature women are mostly, looking for what they consider to be the fastest method to get easy sex. They only show interest in men their particular age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the guys start to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that's the reason why I am not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more options regarding dating. Roblaytin, Manitoba backpage escorts. But there are ways around this. First, a girl has to expressly state what she offers a man (that he desires) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read tens of thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and almost not one of them actually say what they provide a man. Generally, itis a listing of demands and preferences. This is not good advertising. A woman should have the ability to answer the question What do I offer a guy that he wants?" If she does not understand, (or is offended by the question) she's not ready for dating.
Debby, you are speaking rot as far as I'm concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I've had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they don't even ask what I do for a job. Certainly the long term prospects are not good with a considerably younger woman. But in my experience a lot of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and handsome lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to believe it's about a cynical money grab, I need to tell you we elderly men, like some old women bring the opposite sex. Unfortunately, a lot of people don't bring the opposite sex. nature is cruel.
I 've exactly the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Certainly a guy can gather much about a lady from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with answers from inferior matches that they become exasperated and begin to set bounds; yet for me this language indicates an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and suggests maybe an assumption that she's the more desired one in the deal. Perhaps women are used to being pursued. A more considerate mature girl will recognize that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Clearly men can frequently behave exactly the same style, merely wanting sex. I consider the more profound truth is the fact that most people merely blunder unconsciously into relationships, compelled by their ill comprehended desires, knowing neither themselves or what they need from a relationship.
The amusing thing is both me and my present bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this particular site, I also was only able to date younger (my usual preference except for my present same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Roblaytin, Manitoba backpage escorts. Backpage escorts nearby Roblaytin. Shaved off quite a few years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (slim, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waistline til recently (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I job youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear advantage. I imagine I am one of the fortunate ones, but I believe it's a combo of my personality, a type of God luminescence"/spiritualityand seems. Men have always been brought to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and sometimes a issue frankly.
I've decided if my bf and I break up (God PROHIBIT as I am quite in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the attempt imo. Maybe 'cause eventually you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer guys. Roblaytin, Manitoba backpage escorts. I do not know....Am acceptable with my solitude now. Crave it really (bf and I have a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We are merely apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to dwell together at some point in the foreseeable future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variation circa 1965. Roblaytin Manitoba Backpage Escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I discovered when I first came here over two years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of guys (baby boomers) here, that one is absolutely mild and benign. I have read a lot more hateful invective on this site, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a regular assertion) guys in my age group. The authors of the pot of hater-aide? Only the youthful thirty and forty-something women fed up with the advances of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the large part, occasionally egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to believe his generation invented notions like introspection, self-awareness, and personal advancement, along with pretty much everything else (see his self-serving, patronizing little discourse on old Boomer men" below). Backpage Escorts nearby Roblaytin. Note how he follows up with this little gem, The age and photo driven nature of online dating makes it more challenging for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Obviously, the unspoken assertion is the fact that Boomer men have no such issue, and when they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile perspective) by most of the same women, who now feel entitled to guys from 15 years younger to no more than 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in any girl younger than himself, and he's immediately labeled a creep, a pervert and a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can not resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!