Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I Had concentrate on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this post. Backpage escorts nearest Phoenix, British Columbia. This list is my best attempt at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with some of my own observations predicated on a little research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you're a girl between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Pictures. This was a huge complaint among the guys I interviewed. They're looking at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photographs, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the topic of pet photos, I have a personal request of all you single, middle aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all pictures of your cats. This is really significant. I can't stress it enough. Single, middle aged women already need to deal with far too many negative stereotypes, and the cat photos (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your bed) merely serve to augment them. I once composed a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel unwelcome , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America notifying me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Pictures. I love Instagram photographs because lots of the filters make my eyes appear strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about ten years off my face. But do I post these photos on my online dating profile? No I don't. Backpage Escorts in Phoenix British Columbia, Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photographs would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) pictures. Truth in advertising women, truth in advertising.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you almost certainly love them), but I do believe it is important that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is that way too many women out there in the internet dating world are using the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to men also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Perow British Columbia. The matter is, there actually is not anything wrong with having an around typical (or curvy) body so let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and understand once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you desire a quality guy who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, and then you post pictures of yourself next to your bed (or on your bed, or in your bed, or in someone else's bed). And if you're not posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you're posting photographs with way too much cleavage. Phoenix Backpage Escorts. Now, that's totally wonderful - I have no issue at all with this, and I am sure many men do not have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women post said super-sexy glamor shots and then complain to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and only need them for sex. And while we're on the topic of complaint-filled profiles...
Stop Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several men noticed how many women's online dating profiles are contained mostly of complaints about men - either their profiles, or their behavior in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There is no point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes utilize a blog for that). So while I am certain there are guys (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can keep our favorable expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something is not quite correct. Far too frequently some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and a want to be nice and not seem rude, so we ignore the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and continue without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great depression that she just could not trust the men she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about any of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless prosperity and his links to powerful people all around the world. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he assured to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could merely no longer trust men she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could simply no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I would like to ask all of my middleaged online dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sexy, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and all derivatives of "my buddies/mom/ex-husband/children tell me that..I am a glass-half-total optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just maybe, we can find some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of online dating. Phoenix British Columbia backpage escorts. I have seen after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the response I get on has dropped to almost nothing. It is as though going from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some sort of death-knell for a dating life. I begin contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches that the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those men want, (typically 35-50) I regularly move past them, knowing I can't compete with women in their desired range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years older than me! To put it differently, intentionally sends me matches that are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I've e-mailed a number of these guys, I never hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I am within their desired range, I still do not get much of a reply. Backpage escorts nearest Phoenix, Canada. I presume the reason for this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year-old model of me? If their first wife was their age, like a school love or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture supports this. It's frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the built-in folly of online websites: you are merely defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to reassure me that I was a catch. And I still thing I should be - am tall, clean-cut, seem young for 48, run my own successful business, understand the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic location (Alaska). As a result I am quite active so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women that have written back and no real dates. I picked women in my date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Pinchi British Columbia. Just to check I wrote to quite older women and not as appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped nearly every woman. Attempted all types of graphics. Nothing. while I speak to my female friends they say they're inundated. The sole dates I've had, 2, were from old pals who both told me they'd been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and seldom return my calls. At Meetups women seem interested however they don't respond. Simply don't understand this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I am unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring forever alienated good buddies. Really out to sea on all of this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I am an old man and many women on line in my age group make out they are not interested in the younger men. But of course they are. It's just that all the younger men approaching senior women are mostly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest method to get easy sex. They only show interest in men their particular age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that's the reason why I am not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more options regarding dating. Phoenix British Columbia backpage escorts. However there are ways around this. First, a woman has to specifically say what she offers a guy (that he wants) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read a large number of female profiles (35-55 years old) and virtually not one of them actually say what they provide a guy. Generally, itis a list of demands and preferences. This really is not good advertising. A female should be able to answer the question What do I offer a man that he desires?" If she doesn't know, (or is offended by the question) she is not ready for dating.
Debby, you are speaking rot as far as I am concerned. I'm 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they do not even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects are not good with a considerably younger girl. But in my experience a lot of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and attractive lol - Sorry, but as much as youwant to believe it is about a cynical cash grab, I need to inform you we old men, like some mature women attract the opposite sex. Sadly, lots of people do not bring the opposite sex. nature is cruel.
I have exactly the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a man can collect much about a girl from reading her profile, and women in many cases are so inundated with responses from inferior matches they become exasperated and begin to establish borders; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and suggests maybe an assumption that she's the more desirable one in the deal. Perhaps women are used to being pursued. A more considerate mature girl will understand that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Certainly men can often act exactly the same way, just wanting sex. I consider the deeper truth is the fact that many people just blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their poorly comprehended desires, understanding neither themselves or what they want from a relationship.
The funny thing is both me and my present bf JUST dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've stated numerous times on this particular blog, I also was just capable to date younger (my normal taste except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Phoenix, British Columbia backpage escorts. Backpage escorts in Phoenix. Shaved off quite a couple of years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (slender, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I project youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear advantage. I imagine I'm one of the fortunate ones, but I think it is a combo of my personality, a type of God luminescence"/spiritualityand appears. Men have always been attracted to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and sometimes a difficulty honestly.
I've determined if my bf and I break up (God PROHIBIT as I'm very in love with him) I will not return to online dating but will give celibacy a shot. Dating after, say, 58 or 59 ISN'T worth the attempt imo. Maybe 'cause eventually you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Phoenix, British Columbia backpage escorts. I really don't know....Am okay with my solitude now. Crave it actually (bf and I 've a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We are only apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to reside together sooner or later in the foreseeable future. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variation circa 1965. Phoenix British Columbia Backpage Escorts.
There is plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over a couple of years past; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is definitely mild and benign. I have read far more hateful invective on this particular blog, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a regular affirmation) guys in my age group. The writers of the kettle of hater-aide? Just the youthful thirty and forty-something women fed up with the progress of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the large part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who seems to think his generation devised theories like introspection, self awareness, and personal growth, together with pretty much everything else (see his self-serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer guys" below). Backpage escorts nearby Phoenix. Note how he follows up with this small jewel, The age and photograph driven nature of online dating makes it harder for Boomer women to polish, regardless of what they do." Obviously, the unspoken declaration is the fact that Boomer men have no such problem, and when they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who'll really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of the exact same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in any woman younger than himself, and he's promptly labeled a creep, a pervert along with a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!