Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I Had concentrate on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am much more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this particular post. Backpage escorts near me Bowen Bay British Columbia. This list is my best effort at summarizing the outcomes of my informal survey, with some of my own observations predicated on a bit of research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Manner too Many Pet Photographs. This was a tremendous criticism among the guys I interviewed. They're taking a look at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photos, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we are on the topic of pet photographs, I 've a private request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all pictures of your cats. This is really important. I can not stress it enough. Single, middle aged women already need to deal with far too many negative stereotypes, and the cat photographs (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your own bed) just function to fortify them. I once composed a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America telling me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Pictures. I love Instagram photographs because several of the filters make my eyes appear strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photos on my online dating profile? No I don't. Backpage Escorts closest to Bowen Bay British Columbia Canada. Why? Because my eyes aren't actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photographs would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., deceptive) photographs. Truth in advertising women, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you almost certainly love them), but I do think it is significant that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is that way too many women out there in the internet dating world are using the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to men as well, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Boundary Falls British Columbia. The matter is, there really isn't anything wrong with having an around average (or curvy) body so let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and recognize once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (right, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you desire a quality guy who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship with you, then you post pictures of yourself next to your bed (or on your bed, or in your bed, or in someone else's bed). And if you aren't posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you're posting photographs with way too much cleavage. Bowen Bay Backpage Escorts. Now, that's certainly excellent - I have no problem at all with this, and I'm certain many guys do not have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women place said super-hot glamor photos and then whine to their buddies, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and just need them for sex. And while we're on the topic of complaint-filled profiles...
Stop Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several men noted how many women's online dating profiles are comprised chiefly of grievances about guys - either their profiles, or their behaviour in general. I agree with the men on this one. There is no point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes utilize a site for that). So while I'm certain there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can maintain our favorable expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite correct. Far too often some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and a want to be nice and not seem impolite, so we ignore the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a girl who expressed great sadness that she just couldn't trust the men she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about one of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless abundance and his connections to powerful individuals all around the world. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he assured to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Complaining about how she could just no longer trust men she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could only no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all of my middleaged online dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, lusty, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my buddies/mother/ex/children tell me that..I am a glass-half-total optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all really agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just maybe, we can find some common ground and get back to the company of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of online dating. Bowen Bay, British Columbia Backpage Escorts. I have seen after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the response I get on has dropped to virtually nothing. It is as though moving from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some form of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches that the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those men desire, (generally 35-50) I frequently move past them, understanding I can't compete with women in their desired range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years older than me! In other words, intentionally sends me matches which are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I have emailed some of these men, I don't hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I'm within their desired range, I still do not get much of a response. Backpage Escorts nearby Bowen Bay Canada. I assume the reason for this is they can get younger women to react to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year-old version of me? If their first wife was their age, like a college sweetheart or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture supports this. It's frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It is the built in folly of on-line sites: you are merely defined by your actual age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to reassure me that I was a grab. And I still thing I should be - am tall, clean-cut, seem young for 48, run my own successful firm, understand the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic place (Alaska). As a result I am really busy so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women that have written back and no genuine dates. I decided women in my local date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Bowen Island British Columbia. Just to check I wrote to fairly elderly women and less appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped practically every girl. Tried all types of images. Nothing. while I talk to my female friends they say they are inundated. The sole dates I've had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they had been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and infrequently return my calls. At Meetups women look interested but they don't respond. Just do not comprehend this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I 'm unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring permanently alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all of this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I'm an old man and many women on line in my age group make out they are not interested in the younger men. But of course they're. It's just that all the younger guys approaching elderly women are mostly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest method to get easy sex. They simply show interest in men their own age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. it is insulting to me. And that is why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more choices regarding dating. Bowen Bay, British Columbia Backpage Escorts. But there are ways around this. First, a woman has to expressly state what she offers a guy (that he desires) in the context of dating and relationships. I have read tens of thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and virtually not one of them really state what they provide a guy. Typically, it is a record of demands and choices. This isn't good marketing. A female must be able to answer the question What do I provide a man he wants?" If she does not know, (or is offended by the question) she is not ready for dating.
Debby, you are speaking rot as far as I am concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they do not even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects aren't great with a considerably younger woman. But in my experience a whole lot of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and fine lol - Sorry, but as much as youwant to consider it's all about a cynical cash grab, I have to tell you we older men, like some mature women attract the opposite sex. Regrettably, a lot of people do not entice the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I have the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Certainly a man can gather much about a girl from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with responses from poor matches they become exasperated and begin to set bounds; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and suggests perhaps an assumption that she is the more desired one in the deal. Perhaps women are accustomed to being pursued. A more sensible mature girl will recognize that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Certainly men can frequently behave exactly the same manner, just wanting sex. I believe the deeper truth is that many people simply blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their ill understood desires, understanding neither themselves or what they want from a relationship.
The amusing thing is both me and my present bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've stated numerous times on this particular blog, I also was just capable to date younger (my normal preference except for my present same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Bowen Bay, British Columbia backpage escorts. Backpage escorts near me Bowen Bay. Shaved off quite several years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (slender, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I job youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I've had a clear edge. I figure I am one of the lucky ones, but I believe it's a combo of my style, a type of God glow"/spiritualityand seems. Men have ever been brought to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and occasionally a problem honestly.
I have determined if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I am very in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Dating after, say, 58 or 59 ISN'T worth the effort imo. Perhaps 'cause eventually you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Bowen Bay British Columbia backpage escorts. I do not know....Am alright with my solitude now. Crave it actually (bf and I 've a long distance relationship but only 72 miles). We're only apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to live together sooner or later later on. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variant circa 1965. Bowen Bay, British Columbia backpage escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I discovered when I first came here over a couple of years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is absolutely light and benign. I've read far more hateful invective on this blog, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent affirmation) men in my age group. The writers of this pot of hater-aide? Only the young thirty and forty-something women fed up with the improvements of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the large part, occasionally egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to think his generation invented theories like introspection, self-awareness, and personal growth, together with pretty much everything else (see his self-serving, patronizing little discussion on old Boomer men" below). Backpage Escorts near Bowen Bay. Note how he follows up with this small gem, The age and picture driven nature of online dating makes it more difficult for Boomer women to polish, regardless of what they do." Of course, the unspoken declaration is that Boomer men have no such issue, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who will really date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile perspective) by most of precisely the same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no more than 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in virtually any girl younger than himself, and he is immediately labeled a creep, a pervert and also a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can not resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!