Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I'd concentrate on middle-aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more comfortable with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this particular post. Backpage Escorts nearby Warden Alberta. The following list is my best attempt at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with some of my own observations based on a bit of research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Manner too Many Pet Photos. This was a huge complaint among the guys I interviewed. They're looking at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photographs, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the topic of pet photographs, I got a personal request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photographs of your cats. This is really significant. I can't emphasize it enough. Single, middle-aged women already have to handle much too many negative stereotypes, and also the cat photographs (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats in your bed) merely function to strengthen them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating occasionally made me feel unwanted , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America advising me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photos. I love Instagram photographs because many of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photographs on my online dating profile? No I don't. Backpage escorts near me Warden Alberta Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photographs would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) pictures. Truth in advertising women, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you probably adore them), but I do think it is significant that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is the fact that far too many women out there in the internet dating world are using the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to guys also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Warburg Alberta. The thing is, there actually isn't anything wrong with having an around average (or curvy) body so let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and understand once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you desire an excellent man who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, then you post photos of yourself next to your bed (or on your own bed, or in your bed, or in someone else's bed). And if you aren't posting pictures of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting photos with way too much cleavage. Warden Backpage Escorts. Now, that's completely excellent - I don't have any difficulty at all with this, and I am certain many guys don't have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women place said super-hot glamor photos and then complain to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and only want them for sex. And while we are on the subject of complaint-filled profiles...
Quit Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several men noted how many women's online dating profiles are contained mostly of criticisms about men - either their profiles, or their conduct in general. I agree with the men on this one. There isn't any point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes utilize a site for that). So while I am certain there are guys (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own choices. We can keep our favorable expectations while at the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something is not quite right. Far too often some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and also a want to be fine and not appear ill-mannered, so we discount the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great dismay that she simply could not trust the men she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about any of these guys who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via e-mail. He told her stories of his limitless abundance and his links to powerful people all around the globe. She slept with him on the second date (after he assured to whisk her away to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Complaining about how she could merely no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could only no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all of my middle aged online dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sexy, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I hate talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my friends/mom/ex-husband/kids tell me that..I'm a glass-half-full optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just perhaps, we can find some common ground and get back to the work of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of internet dating. Warden Alberta Backpage Escorts. I've noticed after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to almost nothing. It's as though proceeding from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some form of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The potential matches that the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look in the age-range that those men desire, (normally 35-50) I regularly move past them, knowing I can't compete with women in their desired range, even though many of those men are as much as 5-8 years old than me! To put it differently, knowingly sends me matches which are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I've e-mailed some of those guys, I never hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I am within their desirable range, I still do not get much of a reply. Backpage Escorts nearest Warden Canada. I assume the reason for this is they can get younger women to react to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year old model of me? If their first wife was their age, such as, for instance, a college honey or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture supports this. It is frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the builtin folly of on-line websites: you are simply defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to reassure me that I was a grab. And I still thing I should be - am tall, trim, look young for 48, run my own successful business, understand how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic location (Alaska). As a result I'm very active so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women who have written back and no actual dates. I decided women in my own date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Wardlow Alberta. Just to check I wrote to quite mature women and not as attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped almost every girl. Tried all kinds of images. Nothing. while I talk to my female friends they say they are inundated. The only dates I've had, 2, were from old pals who both told me they had been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and infrequently return my calls. At Meetups women seem interested however they don't respond. Just don't comprehend this, it is as if they expect me to pursue them and I am reluctant to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring permanently alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I'm an old guy and many women on line in my age group make out they are not interested in the younger guys. But of course they're. It's only that all the younger men approaching mature women are mainly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest way to get easy sex. They just show interest in guys their particular age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the guys begin to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that is why I am not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more alternatives regarding dating. Warden Alberta Backpage Escorts. However there are ways around this. First, a woman has to expressly say what she offers a guy (that he wants) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read tens of thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and practically none of them really state what they offer a man. Usually, it's a listing of demands and preferences. This really isn't great advertising. A female must be able to answer the question What do I offer a guy that he desires?" If she doesn't know, (or is offended by the question) she's not ready for dating.
Debby, you are discussing rot as far as I'm concerned. I'm 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they do not even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects aren't great with a much younger woman. But in my experience a lot of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and attractive lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to consider it's all about a cynical cash grab, I must tell you we older guys, like some elderly women attract the opposite sex. Unfortunately, a lot of people do not entice the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I have the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a guy can assemble much about a girl from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with replies from poor matches that they become exasperated and begin to establish bounds; yet for me this language indicates an attitude of entitlement and self-absorption, and suggests maybe an assumption that she is the more desired one in the deal. Maybe women are accustomed to being pursued. A more considerate mature girl will recognize that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Certainly guys can frequently act the same way, merely wanting sex. I consider the deeper truth is the fact that most folks only blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their poorly understood desires, understanding neither themselves or what they need from a connection.
The amusing thing is both me and my current bf JUST dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've stated numerous times on this particular blog, I also was just able to date younger (my normal preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Warden, Alberta backpage escorts. Backpage Escorts nearby Warden. Shaved off quite a few years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (skinny, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waistline til recently (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I endeavor youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear advantage. I imagine I'm one of the fortunate ones, but I think it's a combo of my personality, a form of God luminescence"/spiritualityand looks. Men have ever been brought to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and occasionally a issue honestly.
I have decided if my bf and I break up (God PROHIBIT as I am quite in love with him) I will not return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Dating after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the effort imo. Maybe 'cause eventually you're stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer guys. Warden Alberta Backpage Escorts. I actually don't know....Am fine with my solitude now. Crave it actually (bf and I have a long distance relationship but only 72 miles). We are merely apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to reside together at some point later on. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variant circa 1965. Warden, Alberta Backpage Escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over a couple of years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is absolutely light and benign. I have read far more hateful invective on this website, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent affirmation) men in my age group. The writers of this pot of hater-aide? Only the young thirty and forty-something women fed up with the progress of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the large part, occasionally egged on by young men like Nathan, who seems to believe his generation devised concepts like introspection, self awareness, and personal advancement, together with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discourse on old Boomer guys" below). Backpage Escorts in Warden. Note how he follows up with this little gem, The age and photo driven nature of online dating makes it more difficult for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Of course, the unspoken assertion is the fact that Boomer men have no such problem, and when they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who'll actually date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile view) by most of precisely the same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no more than 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in any girl younger than himself, and he is instantly labeled a creep, a pervert and also a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can not resist bragging about dating men 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!