Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I assured everyone that this week I Had concentrate on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am far more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this specific post. Backpage Escorts near Owl River Alberta. This list is my best effort at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with a few of my own observations based on a bit of research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you're a girl between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland region, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I'm sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Photos. This was a huge criticism among the men I interviewed. They're looking at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photos, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we are on the subject of pet pictures, I 've a personal request of all you single, middle aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photographs of your cats. This is really significant. I can't emphasize it enough. Single, middle aged women already have to manage far too many negative stereotypes, along with the cat photos (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats on your own bed) just function to reinforce them. I once composed a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel unwelcome , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America notifying me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so really, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photos. I really like Instagram photos because lots of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about ten years off my face. But do I post these pictures on my internet dating profile? No I don't. Backpage escorts nearest Owl River Alberta, Canada. Why? Because my eyes aren't actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I'm about 10 years older than my Instagram photographs would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., deceptive) photographs. Truth in advertising women, truth in advertising.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I hate the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you probably love them), but I do believe it's significant that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is the fact that way too many women out there in the internet dating world are utilizing the "fit and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to guys as well, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Owendale Alberta. The thing is, there really isn't anything wrong with having an around typical (or curvy) body thus let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the advice of Amy Schuler, and recognize once and for all that a little meat on our bones isn't going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (correct, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Photos. You say you desire an excellent man who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, then you post photos of yourself next to your bed (or on your bed, or in your bed, or in someone else's bed). And if you're not posting photographs of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you're posting photographs with way too much cleavage. Owl River backpage escorts. Now, that is totally fine - I have no difficulty at all with this, and I am certain many men don't have a problem either - but what some men do have a problem with is when women place said super-hot glamour photos and then complain to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and only want them for sex. And while we're on the subject of complaint-filled profiles...
Discontinue Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several guys noted how many women's online dating profiles are comprised mainly of grievances about guys - either their profiles, or their behaviour in general. I agree with the men on this one. There isn't any point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes make use of a website for that). So while I'm sure there are guys (and women) out there who are logged on and behaving badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own choices. We can maintain our favorable expectations while at exactly the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something is not quite appropriate. Far too frequently some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and a want to be fine and not appear rude, so we ignore the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and proceed without caution. I once met a girl who expressed great depression that she just could not trust the men she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about any of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless wealth and his links to powerful people all around the globe. She slept with him on the second date (after he promised to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could merely no longer trust men she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could just no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I'd like to ask all of my middleaged online dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, lusty, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and all derivatives of "my pals/mother/ex/children tell me that..I am a glass-half-total optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just perhaps, we can locate some common ground and get back to the company of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of online dating. Owl River Alberta backpage escorts. I've noticed after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the response I get on has dropped to almost nothing. It is as though moving from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some kind of death knell for a dating life. I begin contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look at the age-range that those men desire, (typically 35-50) I regularly go past them, knowing I can not compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years old than me! In other words, knowingly sends me matches which are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I've emailed some of these men, I never hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I am within their desirable range, I still do not get much of a reply. Backpage Escorts in Owl River Canada. I assume the reason for this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year-old version of me? If their first wife was their age, like a college love or whatever, they likely feel entitled to a newer model, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It is frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the built-in folly of online sites: you're only defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people tried to assure me that I was a grab. And I still matter I should be - am tall, clean-cut, look youthful for 48, run my own successful company, know the way to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic area (Alaska). As a result I am quite busy so online dating looked like the solution. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women who have written back and no actual dates. I picked women in my date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Owlseye Alberta. Simply to check I wrote to quite older women and not as attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped almost every girl. Tried all types of pictures. Nothing. When I talk to my female friends they say they're inundated. The sole dates I've had, 2, were from old friends who both told me they had been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and infrequently return my calls. At Meetups women appear interested but they don't answer. Simply do not realize this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I am unwilling to do that because the two times I did that when my union was souring forever alienated good buddies. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years ago.
Kathleen, I'm an old man and most women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger men. But of course they are. It is merely that all the younger guys approaching elderly women are mainly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest method to get easy sex. They just show interest in men their very own age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. it is insulting to me. And that is why I'm not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more choices regarding dating. Owl River Alberta backpage escorts. However there are ways around this. First, a woman has to specifically state what she offers a man (that he wants) in the context of dating and relationships. I've read tens of thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and nearly none of them really state what they offer a man. Normally, it's a listing of demands and choices. This really isn't great marketing. A lady should have the ability to answer the question What do I provide a man he needs?" If she doesn't understand, (or is offended by the question) she is not prepared for dating.
Debby, you are discussing rot as far as I am concerned. I'm 62 and let me tell you, I've had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they do not even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects aren't great with a much younger woman. But in my experience a great deal of much younger women go for me. They say I am a silver fox and fine lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to consider it's all about a cynical money grab, I have to tell you we older men, like some mature women bring the opposite sex. Sadly, lots of people do not entice the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I have exactly the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (don't contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Surely a man can assemble much about a girl from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with answers from inferior matches that they become exasperated and start to set bounds; yet for me this language implies an attitude of entitlement and self absorption, and suggests perhaps an assumption that she's the more desired one in the deal. Maybe women are used to being pursued. A more considerate mature girl will realize that relationships aren't just about her and her needs. Clearly guys can frequently behave exactly the same way, just wanting sex. I consider the more profound truth is that many people simply blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their badly comprehended desires, knowing neither themselves or what they need from a connection.
The funny thing is both me and my current bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this website, I also was just capable to date younger (my usual preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Owl River, Alberta backpage escorts. Backpage escorts near Owl River. Shaved off quite a couple of years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (slender, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waistline til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I endeavor youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I've had a clear advantage. I imagine I am one of the fortunate ones, but I think it's a combo of my style, a type of God luminescence"/spiritualityand seems. Men have always been brought to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and occasionally a difficulty honestly.
I've decided if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I am very in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a shot. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 ISN'T worth the effort imo. Perhaps 'cause eventually you are stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Owl River Alberta backpage escorts. I actually don't know....Am okay with my solitude now. Crave it actually (bf and I 've a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We're only apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And intend to live together sooner or later later on. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variant circa 1965. Owl River, Alberta Backpage Escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over a couple of years past; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of guys (baby boomers) here, that one is definitely light and benign. I have read far more hateful invective on this blog, couched in rhetoric computed to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a regular affirmation) men in my age group. The writers of the pot of hater-aide? Only the young thirty and forty-something women fed up with the advances of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the most part, occasionally egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to think his generation invented theories like introspection, self-awareness, and personal advancement, along with pretty much everything else (see his self-serving, patronizing little discourse on old Boomer men" below). Backpage escorts near Owl River. Note how he follows up with this small jewel, The age and photo driven nature of online dating makes it more challenging for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Needless to say, the unspoken assertion is the fact that Boomer guys have no such problem, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who'll actually date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile perspective) by most of precisely the same women, who now feel entitled to guys from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a guy express interest in virtually any girl younger than himself, and he's promptly labeled a creep, a pervert along with a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!