Last week I shared my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I Had focus on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I am far more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this specific post. Backpage Escorts in Chinook Valley, Alberta. This list is my best effort at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with some of my own observations based on a little research I ran myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Manner too Many Pet Pictures. This was a huge criticism among the men I interviewed. They are taking a look at your profile to find out more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet photographs, especially the ones without you in them. Oh and while we are on the topic of pet pictures, I got a private request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all photos of your cats. This is so important. I can not stress it enough. Single, middle-aged women already need to handle far too many negative stereotypes, and also the cat pictures (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats in your bed) merely serve to fortify them. I once wrote a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of opinions from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America advising me that I must live in a dark apartment with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photographs. I really like Instagram photographs because lots of the filters make my eyes look strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about 10 years off my face. But do I post these photographs on my internet dating profile? No I do not. Backpage escorts nearest Chinook Valley Alberta Canada. Why? Because my eyes are not actually that blue (or green or lavender), and I am about 10 years older than my Instagram photographs would have you believe. This was the number one criticism among the guys I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., deceptive) pictures. Truth in advertising women, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you most likely love them), but I do believe it's significant that we at least strive for truthfulness. The word on the street is the fact that far too many women out there in the internet dating world are using the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this criticism applies to guys as well, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Chin Alberta. The matter is, there actually isn't anything wrong with having an around average (or curvy) body thus let's take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and recognize once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (right, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you want a quality guy who respects you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship with you, and then you post pictures of yourself next to your bed (or in your bed, or in your bed, or in another person 's bed). And if you're not posting photos of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you are posting pictures with far too much cleavage. Chinook Valley backpage escorts. Now, that is certainly great - I have no trouble at all with this, and I am certain many men do not have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women post said super-hot glamor shots and then whine to their buddies, or make statements on their profiles about how all men are dogs and only need them for sex. And while we are on the topic of criticism-filled profiles...
Quit Using Your Profile to Complain about Men. Several men noted how many women's online dating profiles are comprised mainly of criticisms about guys - either their profiles, or their conduct in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There isn't any point in using your profile story as a soapbox for your negative perception of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes make use of a blog for that). So while I am certain there are guys (and women) out there who are logged on and acting badly, I really believe that women must take responsibility for their own picks. We can keep our favorable expectations while at the exact same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something isn't quite right. Way too frequently some women are led not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and also a desire to be fine and not seem ill-mannered, so we discount the large, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and continue without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great depression that she just could not trust the guys she met online. She then continued to tell me a story about one of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless abundance and his connections to powerful people all over the world. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he assured to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that is not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be checked by "his people." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Complaining about how she could only no longer trust guys she met online was a bit like complaining about how she could simply no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I would like to ask all my middle aged online dating male and female compatriots a favor. Please, let's rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sexy, drama-free, and easygoing. And these, let's omit these also: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my friends/mom/ex-husband/kids tell me that..I'm a glass-half-total optimist, who's easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I believe that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then maybe, just perhaps, we can locate some common ground and get back to the business of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of online dating. Chinook Valley, Alberta backpage escorts. I have detected after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to nearly nothing. It's as though going from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some form of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with men in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches the website sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look in the age-range that those guys want, (typically 35-50) I frequently go past them, knowing I can't compete with women in their desirable range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years older than me! In other words, knowingly sends me matches that are likely not realistic for me to pursue. When I've e-mailed a few of those guys, I don't hear back. I'm guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and likely read no further. Even if I am within their desired range, I still do not get much of a response. Backpage escorts nearby Chinook Valley, Canada. I presume the reason for this is they can get younger women to respond to them, so why would they go for me when they have a chance with the 45 year old model of me? If their first wife was their age, like a college honey or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture supports this. It is frustrating, as well as depressing and more than a little humiliating. It is the builtin folly of on-line sites: you're only defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you are saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to assure me that I was a catch. And I still matter I should be - am tall, trim, seem youthful for 48, run my own successful firm, know how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic location (Alaska). As a result I'm really busy so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the number of women that have written back and no real dates. I picked women in my date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Chip Lake Alberta. Simply to check I wrote to quite older women and not as appealing than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped almost every woman. Attempted all types of images. Nothing. while I talk to my female friends they say they're inundated. The only dates I've had, 2, were from old friends who both told me they had been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and scarcely return my calls. At Meetups women look interested but they do not respond. Just do not comprehend this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I am reluctant to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring forever alienated good pals. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I'm an old guy and many women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger men. But of course they're. It's just that all the younger guys approaching mature women are mostly, looking for what they consider to be the quickest way to get easy sex. They only show interest in men their own age when the supply of younger men dries up, or the men start to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that is the reason why I am not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more options regarding dating. Chinook Valley, Alberta backpage escorts. But there are certain ways around this. First, a girl has to expressly state what she offers a man (that he wants) in the context of dating and relationships. I have read thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and nearly none of them really state what they offer a man. Generally, it's a listing of demands and preferences. This really isn't great advertising. A female must be able to answer the question What do I offer a man that he needs?" If she does not understand, (or is offended by the question) she's not prepared for dating.
Debby, you're speaking rot as far as I am concerned. I'm 62 and let me tell you, I've had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they do not even ask what I do for a job. Sure the long term prospects are not great with a considerably younger woman. But in my experience a whole lot of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and handsome lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to believe it's about a cynical cash grab, I have to inform you we mature guys, like some mature women entice the opposite sex. Regrettably, many don't entice the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I have the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a man can collect much about a girl from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with answers from inferior matches that they become exasperated and begin to establish boundaries; yet for me this language indicates an attitude of entitlement and self absorption, and indicates maybe an assumption that she's the more desired one in the deal. Perhaps women are accustomed to being pursued. A more considerate mature woman will recognize that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Clearly guys can often behave exactly the same way, just wanting sex. I believe the more profound truth is that many folks simply blunder automatically into relationships, compelled by their badly comprehended desires, understanding neither themselves or what they want from a connection.
The funny thing is both me and my present bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've stated numerous times on this site, I also was only capable to date younger (my usual preference except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Chinook Valley, Alberta backpage escorts. Backpage escorts closest to Chinook Valley. Shaved off quite a few years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I 've a killer figure (slender, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waist til recently (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I project youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear edge. I guess I'm one of the blessed ones, but I think it is a combo of my style, a type of God luminescence"/spiritualityand looks. Men have ever been attracted to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and occasionally a problem frankly.
I have decided if my bf and I break up (God FORBID as I'm really in love with him) I won't return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Dating after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the attempt imo. Maybe 'cause eventually you are stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Chinook Valley, Alberta backpage escorts. I do not know....Am ok with my solitude now. Crave it actually (bf and I 've a long distance relationship but only 72 miles). We're merely apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to reside together at some point later on. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variation circa 1965. Chinook Valley Alberta backpage escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I found when I first came here over a couple of years ago; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of men (baby boomers) here, that one is absolutely light and benign. I've read a lot more hateful invective on this particular blog, couched in rhetoric calculated to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent affirmation) guys in my age group. The authors of this kettle of hater-aide? Just the young thirty and forty-something women fed up with the improvements of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my own generation, for the large part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who appears to believe his generation invented concepts like introspection, self-awareness, and personal advancement, along with pretty much everything else (see his self serving, patronizing little discourse on old Boomer men" below). Backpage escorts in Chinook Valley. Note how he follows up with this little jewel, The age and photograph driven nature of online dating makes it more difficult for Boomer women to shine, regardless of what they do." Naturally, the unspoken declaration is that Boomer guys have no such difficulty, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who'll actually date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile perspective) by most of the exact same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a guy express interest in virtually any woman younger than himself, and he is immediately labeled a creep, a pervert and also a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!