Last week I discussed my six pet peeves about middle-aged men's online dating profiles , and I promised everyone that this week I Had focus on middle aged women's online dating profiles. Since I'm far more familiar with men's profiles, I recruited some of my single male friends (and the Twittersphere) to help me with this particular post. Backpage escorts near me Baptiste River Alberta. This list is my best effort at summarizing the results of my informal survey, with a few of my own observations based on a bit of research I conducted myself. Disclaimer: if you're a woman between the ages of 45 and 60, living in the Chicagoland area, and I popped up on your "Viewed Me" list, I am sorry, really. Anyway, here goes:
Waaaay too Many Pet Photographs. This was a huge gripe among the men I interviewed. They're looking at your profile to learn more about you, not your pets. So delete the pet pictures, particularly the ones without you in them. Oh and while we're on the subject of pet pictures, I got a private request of all you single, middle-aged women out there on dating websites: please, please, please delete any and all pictures of your cats. This really is so important. I can not stress it enough. Single, middle-aged women already need to deal with much too many negative stereotypes, and the cat photos (you cuddling with your cats, you kissing your cats, multiple cats in your bed) merely serve to augment them. I once composed a blog post about how dating sometimes made me feel undesirable , and I got hundreds of comments from single middle-aged men throughout all of North America advising me that I must live in a dark flat with 100 or so cats, so actually, please delete them.
No. More. Instagram. Photos. I really like Instagram photographs because lots of the filters make my eyes appear strikingly blue (or green, or lavender), and some even shave about ten years off my face. But do I post these photos on my online dating profile? No I don't. Backpage Escorts near me Baptiste River Alberta, Canada. Why? Because my eyes aren't really that blue (or green or lavender), and I am about 10 years older than my Instagram photographs would have you believe. This was the number one complaint among the men I interviewed - artistically filtered (i.e., delusory) photos. Truth in advertising ladies, truth in marketing.
Athletic and Toned Means, well, Athletic and Toned. I despise the body descriptors as much as you do (well, except for you size 0 women out there, you most likely adore them), but I do think it is important that we at least strive for honesty. The word on the street is the fact that far too many women out there in the online dating world are employing the "athletic and toned" descriptor in reference to their "about average" bodies (this complaint applies to men also, of course). Backpage Escorts Near Me Baptiste Lake Alberta. The matter is, there really isn't anything wrong with having an about typical (or curvy) body so let us take the pressure off ourselves and heed the guidance of Amy Schuler, and recognize once and for all that a little meat on our bones is not going to kill us, and it isn't going to drive away the good guys either (right, good guys?).
Tone Down the Boudoir Shots. You say you want a quality man who honors you as a human being and is interested in having a serious relationship on you, after which you post photos of yourself next to your bed (or on your bed, or in your bed, or in someone else's bed). And if you're not posting photographs of yourself next to your bed, (or on your bed, or in your bed), you're posting photos with far too much cleavage. Baptiste River backpage escorts. Now, that's absolutely wonderful - I don't have any issue at all with this, and I'm certain many men don't have a problem either - but what some guys do have a problem with is when women place said super-sexy glamour photos and then whine to their friends, or make statements on their profiles about how all guys are dogs and just need them for sex. And while we are on the topic of criticism-filled profiles...
Quit Using Your Profile to Whine about Men. Several guys noted how many women's online dating profiles are contained chiefly of complaints about guys - either their profiles, or their behaviour in general. I agree with the guys on this one. There isn't any point in using your profile narrative as a soapbox for your negative understanding of all single, middle-aged men (for heaven's sakes make use of a site for that). So while I'm certain there are men (and women) out there who are logged on and behaving badly, I believe that women must take responsibility for their own selections. We can keep our favorable expectations while at the same time heeding our inner voice that warns us when something is not quite right. Much too frequently some women are guided not by common sense, but by wishful thinking and also a desire to be nice and not appear impolite, so we discount the big, red flashing warning lights raging in our heads and continue without caution. I once met a woman who expressed great depression that she simply couldn't trust the men she met online. She then proceeded to tell me a story about one of these men who spent days (yes, days) wooing her via email. He told her stories of his limitless prosperity and his connections to powerful individuals all around the world. She slept with him on the 2nd date (after he assured to whisk her off to a private island that next weekend). But that's not all. She also gave him all of her identifying information when he told her that she needed to be vetted by "his folks." And guess what? Yep! Her identity was stolen. Whining about how she could only no longer trust men she met online was a bit like whining about how she could only no longer trust Nigerian princes.
One more thing. I would like to ask all of my middle-aged online dating male and female compatriots a party favor. Please, let us rid our profiles of these overused phrases once and for all: glass-half-full, sensual, play-free, and easygoing. And these, let us omit these too: "I look 10 years younger than I am," "I loathe talking about myself, but..." and any and all derivatives of "my pals/mother/ex/kids tell me that..I'm a glass-half-full optimist, who is easy going and looks 10 years younger than I am." I think that if we can all agree to clean up our profiles then perhaps, just maybe, we can find some common ground and get back to the company of falling in love (or at least having fun trying).
I feel like I am aging out" of online dating. Baptiste River, Alberta backpage escorts. I have seen after my last birthday (I turned 54 in June) that the reply I get on has dropped to virtually nothing. It's as though proceeding from the early 50s to the mid 50s is some kind of death knell for a dating life. I initiate contact with guys in an age-range of about 3 years younger up to about 8 years older than myself. The possible matches the site sends me are age appropriate for me, but when I look in the age-range that those men want, (typically 35-50) I frequently move past them, understanding I can't compete with women in their desired range, even though many of those guys are as much as 5-8 years old than me! In other words, intentionally sends me matches which are probably not realistic for me to pursue. When I've emailed a number of these men, I don't hear back. I am guessing they check out my profile, see my age, and probably read no further. Even if I'm within their desirable range, I still don't get much of a reply. Backpage escorts closest to Baptiste River, Canada. I assume the reason for this is they can get younger women to react to them, so why would they go for me when they've a chance with the 45 year old model of me? If their first wife was their age, like a school sweetheart or whatever, they probably feel entitled to a newer version, so to speak. Our culture encourages this. It is frustrating, not to mention depressing and more than a little humiliating. It's the built in folly of online websites: you're just defined by your age, in bold type right next to your user name.
I get what you're saying. When my marriage fell apart a year ago people attempted to reassure me that I was a grab. And I still matter I should be - am tall, trim, seem youthful for 48, run my own successful firm, understand how to dance, am a community leader with environmental education and in my profession, lecture at university, write, from an exotic location (Alaska). As a result I'm quite active so online dating looked like the answer. But in fact in six I can count on one hand the amount of women who have written back and no genuine dates. I picked women in my date range and attractiveness range. Backpage Escorts Near Me Bardo Alberta. Simply to check I wrote to quite mature women and less attractive than myself. Nothing. Got on Tinder and swiped virtually every woman. Attempted all sorts of pictures. Nothing. while I talk to my female friends they say they're inundated. The only dates I have had, 2, were from old buddies who both told me they had been fantasising about me for years but then they left it at that and infrequently return my calls. At Meetups women seem interested however they don't respond. Just don't realize this, it's as if they expect me to pursue them and I am reluctant to do that because the two times I did that when my marriage was souring permanently alienated good friends. Really out to sea on all this - so much has changed since I was last dating 26 years past.
Kathleen, I am an elderly man and most women on line in my age group make out they aren't interested in the younger guys. But of course they are. It's just that all the younger men approaching senior women are mainly, looking for what they consider to be the fastest way to get easy sex. They simply show interest in guys their own age when the supply of younger guys dries up, or the guys begin to lose interest in them. It's insulting to me. And that is why I am not interested in the women, my age who approach me.
Men over 45 do have more alternatives regarding dating. Baptiste River, Alberta backpage escorts. However there are ways around this. First, a woman has to specifically state what she offers a guy (that he desires) in the context of dating and relationships. I have read tens of thousands of female profiles (35-55 years old) and nearly not one of them actually state what they provide a guy. Usually, it is a record of demands and choices. This is not great advertising. A lady should have the ability to answer the question What do I provide a man that he needs?" If she does not know, (or is offended by the question) she is not prepared for dating.
Debby, you are speaking rot as far as I'm concerned. I am 62 and let me tell you, I Have had nights" with women 20-30 years younger and they do not even ask what I do for a job. Certainly the long term prospects are not good with a much younger girl. But in my experience a lot of much younger women go for me. They say I'm a silver fox and handsome lol - Sorry, but as much as you'd like to consider it's about a cynical cash grab, I have to tell you we elderly guys, like some old women attract the opposite sex. Sadly, a lot of people don't bring the opposite sex. nature is unkind.
I 've the same observation. Andrew. For awhile I was amazed at women's profiles with their shopping list of demands (do not contact me if...you must be blah blah blah....""with no statement of what they have to offer. Definitely a man can gather much about a girl from reading her profile, and women are often so inundated with replies from inferior matches that they become exasperated and begin to establish bounds; yet for me this language indicates an attitude of entitlement and self absorption, and suggests maybe an assumption that she is the more desirable one in the deal. Maybe women are accustomed to being pursued. A more thoughtful mature girl will realize that relationships are not just about her and her needs. Definitely guys can often act the same manner, only wanting sex. I believe the more profound truth is the fact that most folks simply blunder unconsciously into relationships, compelled by their badly understood desires, understanding neither themselves or what they want from a connection.
The amusing thing is both me and my present bf ONLY dated younger for the most part when online dating. He said it was vanity on his part and I told him I did it'cause I could (get away with it). But asI've said numerous times on this particular site, I also was only capable to date younger (my usual taste except for my current same-age bf) cause I lied about my age. Baptiste River, Alberta backpage escorts. Backpage Escorts near me Baptiste River. Shaved off quite a few years too girls! lol I was born in 1953, but wouldput 1960 or1961 on my profile. What helped is I have a killer figure (thin, but curves, 36D) and pretty face thanks to years of intermittant plastic surgery (but nothing below the waistline til lately (coolsculpting which I recommend). Myplastic surgeon's nurse says I job youthfulness and look, on a good day, in my 40s still. So, I Have had a clear advantage. I suppose I'm one of the lucky ones, but I believe it's a combo of my personality, a type of God glow"/spiritualityand seems. Men have always been brought to me in person. Big time. Occasionally it was flattering and occasionally a issue honestly.
I have determined if my bf and I break up (God PROHIBIT as I'm very in love with him) I will not return to online dating but will give celibacy a chance. Relationship after, say, 58 or 59 is NOT worth the effort imo. Perhaps 'cause eventually you are stuck with all these bitter, old, paranoid,hypocritical boomer men. Baptiste River Alberta Backpage Escorts. I actually don't know....Am okay with my solitude now. Crave it actually (bf and I have a long distance relationship but just 72 miles). We're merely apart about 4 nights before reunited though. And plan to dwell together sooner or later later on. So my dating experience can be best summed up by the old standard Just in Time". Listen to the Streisand variant circa 1965. Baptiste River Alberta Backpage Escorts.
There's plenty more here, as I discovered when I first came here over two years past; in fact, compared to some of what I read about my generation of guys (baby boomers) here, that one is definitely light and benign. I have read far more hateful invective on this particular website, couched in rhetoric calculated to be as offensive, inflammatory, hurtful, degrading and emasculating as possible, aimed at ALL (a frequent assertion) guys in my age group. The authors of this kettle of hater-aide? Only the youthful thirty and forty something women fed up with the improvements of creepy old men"? Nope; the women of my very own generation, for the most part, sometimes egged on by young men like Nathan, who seems to believe his generation devised notions like introspection, self-awareness, and personal growth, together with pretty much everything else (see his self-serving, patronizing little discourse on old Boomer men" below). Backpage escorts nearby Baptiste River. Note how he follows up with this small gem, The age and picture driven nature of online dating makes it more difficult for Boomer women to polish, regardless of what they do." Needless to say, the unspoken declaration is the fact that Boomer guys have no such problem, and if they do, they deserve it. I beg to differ. The ones of us who'll actually date women in our own age group, are automatically rejected online (without even a profile perspective) by most of exactly the same women, who now feel entitled to men from 15 years younger to no over 2 years older than themselves (or so say their online profiles). Let a man express interest in virtually any girl younger than himself, and he is promptly labeled a creep, a pervert along with a dirty old man; yet women like Ellen come here, can't resist bragging about dating guys 17 to 22 years younger than me" and the chorus of applause from the distaff side is deafening. Pot, meet kettle!